She said what?

paulaBy now we all know the brouhaha that has surrounded the famed celebrity cook, restauranteur, and shitty pots and pans shill Paula Deen. Thirty years ago she admittedly confessed to her at the time husband about referring to the man that held a gun to her head while working as a bank teller during an armed robbery as a “nigger”.

This shocking revelation was discovered during a sworn deposition regarding an ongoing law suite in which Deen and her brother are defendants.

I am not shocked how the mainstream media has handled this revelation. However it is interesting how the general public has taken the contextually and inaccurately drawn conclusions about Paula Deen’s past use of the obligatory N-bomb. The media and simpleton public have somehow come to the conclusion that Paula Deen referring to the black man that could have killed her, who forcefully and illegally exerted his will on her with a firearm during the commission of a crime as a “nigger” that she is somehow now labeled a racist and something worse then Hitler, the KKK or a run of the mill skin head neo-nazi.

I live in the south. I have grown up in the south. I am well aware of the roots and origin of the N-word. I know of its derogatory nature towards a group of people and its negative connotations. I am somewhat educated, have traveled all over this country and a good chunk of this planet. I have interacted with in both my professional and personal life people of color. Black, Yellow, White, Mulatto, you name it. Although I have never met any gypsy fortune tellers with three nipples. Pretty much the rest of the population however I can mark off the bingo card.

Everyone knows the word “nigger” is offensive and has no place in everyday speech.

In my life I have heard the word “nigger” used many times. I realized it wasn’t because I lived in the south, or associated with bigots. I can honestly say I have heard the word more times then not from the mouths of blacks themselves. Educated blacks, all the way down to the lowest common denominator homeless blacks on the street. Blacks in south, in the north, USA blacks, all the way to African blacks who never saw an electric light, who USA blacks would say, “goddamn Africa is home and where we’re from but “F” this is some backwoods shit.”

My question is if the word “nigger” is so abominably offensive to blacks and an outright cardinal sin for a caucasian to utter, then why does the black community use the word so freely amongst themselves?

Rap lyrics in the last twenty years? Eddie Murphy? Richard Pryor? Hollywood, Friday, Next Friday, Friday after Next movies? Overheard any three blacks talking to each other when they think no one else can hear? Or hell when three blacks talk to each other and don’t care who else can hear? Give me three black people, thirty minutes and I will guarantee you with the last cent to my name, any number of “nigger, niggas, negros” and as sure as i am typing this rather culturally controversial blog post a “shit mothafucka” as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west each and every day.

I have heard and experienced these same “nigger” and derivative word usage by blacks essentially all over the world, in all cultures, religions, educational, financial and fiscal levels of black existence. Argue all you want that I may be stereotyping a small segment of the black community to represent the whole. I simply do not agree and it has not been my empirical experience.

Do not misunderstand me, please. I do not suggest or condone the common usage of the world “nigger” by Paula Deen or anyone else for that matter. However I do feel it rather hypocritical of any person or organization to pass judgement on anyone that may have used the word at some time in their life, when the majority of the segment of the people the word is targeted to offend is freely using the word amongst themselves in relative everyday language.

I should fully disclose and although I am not under oath but for the mere journalistic ¬†integrity of this blog post I have used the word “nigger”. Actually I better just come clean with all the bad words I have used.

  1. Nigger
  2. Honkey
  3. Chink
  4. Towel Head
  5. Gook
  6. Kike
  7. Cunt
  8. Cocksucker
  9. MotherFucker
  10. Jackoff
  11. Retard
  12. Dickhead
  13. Wetback
  14. Beaner
  15. Window Licker
  16. Pie Face
  17. Bitch
  18. Faggot
  19. Fag
  20. Shitdick
  21. Shithead
  22. Scumbag
  23. Fuckface
  24. Dumbass
  25. Douchebag

These are just the worlds I have either used to describe a person or relate a completely inappropriate off color joke. This week.

Guess what? I have been called everyone of those words at some point in my life. By my mother, father, brothers, ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, blacks, whites, preachers, nuns, senators, congressmen, strippers, and the occasional Jehovahs Witnesses on a Saturday morning at my front door.

I have used the word ‘nigger” yes. I am not proud of that fact but I have. I have also been down in the dirt and sand with a black man in a fighting hole next to me not knowing what the next hours were going to bring to either of us, but he was my friend and I would have killed someone or died myself defending him and I know he would have done the same for me.

You see I can tell a dirty joke. I can laugh at a dirty joke. If you’re a cocksucker I’ll call you a cocksucker. The color of your skin when I meet you means nothing to me. Its your character and your actions towards me that I judge you on. I expect nothing less in return.

Could Paula Deen have used a different word describing the man that took from her and could have killed her? Sure she could have. Was the man that did those things during that bank robbery what Paula Deen called him? In my opinion you bet your ass he was. I’d have called him the same thing if it happened to me tomorrow much less thirty years ago. The difference is I didn’t make $17 million dollars last year. Paula Deen did.

You see the word “nigger” really isn’t that offensive to anyone truth be told. Unless you got a lot of something to lose and you’re white. You see if Paula Deen made any mistake by using the word “nigger” thirty years ago describing the man that robbed her at gun point, its that she didn’t use the same word to describe the white woman who Paula and her brother had to fire from their restaurants for cause and is now bringing this law suite against them. Because frankly she deserves to be called one too as much as the man that robbed Paula 30 years ago. They are both doing the exact same thing, only one used a gun and the other is trying to use the legal system.

Lets be honest here. Had the woman who is suing Paula and her brother Bubba worked for Patrick and Gina Neely (whom are black, and were discovered and owe their food network fame to Paula Deen) was fired and then brought a law suite against the them on the basis the Neelys called some white woman a honky 30 years ago for not paying for some BBQ ribs do you think it would be national news?

Food for thought. <———pun

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Could use your good thoughts and energy please.

Another Monday another start to an arduous work week ahead. I’ll apologize now for the somber and serious tone of this particular update.

Some of you may know but I suspect most do not so I’ll attempt a Cliff notes version.

JessNCI have a first cousin and her name is Jessica. Early thirty-ish years old. At twenty-five she was diagnosed with stage three colon cancer. As you can imagine Jessica has spent the last five plus years battling this disease with mostly positive results. There’s been chemotherapy, radiation treatment, colon, lung, and liver resection and more chemotherapy. After the initial chemotherapy and colon resection, the cancer metastasized and showed up in her lung, liver and lymph nodes. Jessica has been facing this disease head on and fighting the good fight every step of the way with grace, dignity and tenacity.

Unfortunately, this insidious disease has stopped responding to all the treatments Jessica has been going through and she has taken a turn for the worse. She has been admitted to the hospital with ascites. (collection of fluid in abdominal cavity) Jessica has been in tremendous pain and its now a matter of keeping her as comfortable as she can be with morphine.

If you pray, Jessica could use a prayer. If you don’t pray any positive energy you may want to spare would be greatly appreciated. Good vibes never can hurt so if you don’t mind send some her way. Jessica and the family would appreciate it.

Now for the PSA portion of the post. DONT IGNORE YOUR HEALTH. If something isn’t right, go see a doctor. If there is one thing I have sadly learned from all this, is the general media and perception of cancer means shit all. Cancer can strike at any age. It’s so arbitrary it doesn’t discriminate between sex, age, race, diet, state of health, or geographical location where you live. Men can just as easily get breast cancer, twenty five year old women get colon cancer. It is not just something you get if you decide to smoke, or drink or not use sun screen. If the rules of life decide and your bingo card gets punched, guess what? You get cancer, you get in the club, and you go to the head of the line.

The number one and still the best odds of beating this disease is in its earliest detection. Do not wait! Don’t fool yourself into thinking it can’t happen to you or that you are too young. Bullshit! This disease doesn’t care. If it has your number you WILL get it.

(note: Flash video below. You’ll want to check this out on your non-iPhone iPad devices)

This is my cousin about a year ago. I cant begin to tell you how proud I am of her and to have been privileged to watch and hear about her positive attitude and grace in her long fight against this disease.

As I have mentioned above, she isn’t doing too well right now, and we never say never or give up. So if you don’t mind send her some positive thoughts.

If you’re moved to and want to help? I am sure Jessica would be honored and proud if you sent a buck or two, to the Colon Cancer Alliance:

I can’t emphasize this enough. Do not take your health for granted. Something so little and benign as a headache that wont go away or constipation and cramps can be a sign of trouble. Get it checked out. If cancer runs in your family, get screened. Don’t wait. Most importantly, do not ever let any doctor tell you NO, when your gut and head say otherwise. You’re paying for a service you make him/her give you what you demand. You want a test? You want a scan? You tell the doctor “I am not asking for one, I am telling you to schedule one, DO IT.” It is that simple. You are in charge of your health, not some doctor beholden to some insurance company or drug manufacturer.

Thanks for reading, thanks for your support, and thanks for your prayers and good thoughts.

Let ‘er rip tater chips!

Mad Men is nice but Christina Hendricks is one hot piece of ass.

joanSo I have been watching Mad Men again this season. It’s been on AMC for a few years now and if you been under a rock, its essentially about a Madison Avenue advertising agency set in the 1960’s.

The first couple of years were great, then for a couple of years the writing sucked (IMHO) and now its getting back to good.

Its pretty much been the number one show for the last five years or so and if you haven’t checked it out get your Netflix on and settle in for some binge TV.

Christina Hendricks plays the roll of Joan Harris. She is head of the secretary pool and pretty much the glue of the agency. She also bangs Roger, one of the partners and is mother to his bastard child. Don Draper may be a smooth operator, steel and sex appeal, but Joan Harris just down right rocks my world. She is a bad bitch. They just don’t make women like that anymore. I watch this show and wish and dream that I lived and was of age during this era. I would have been bigger then pop top beer cans. I could have ruled the world with my very own Joan Harris.

Really what happened to the work place? The one where I could light up a smoke in my office, pour a scotch and smack a secretary on the ass and tell her “Good job sweetheart, now copy that letter to the partners, buy my wife a valentines day scarf, and bring me another scotch.”

I think it was the Xerox copiers, computers, internet, and probably some scumbag lawyers. Life was so much simpler with short hand, IBM Selectric typewriters, mimeograph machines, Camel unfiltered cigarettes and good scotch.

We NEEDED women for those things. Rotary dial phones and a switchboard, women. Dictation, women. Supply closet inventory, women. Opening the mail, women. Getting me another scotch, women.

Is it any wonder in the 1960’s when business operated this way with vital business roles fulfilled by women, (with great tits and ass) at the direction of incredibly smart and business savvy men, we were a nation of greatness? We went to the moon. Chevy Camaros and Corvettes had 400 horsepower and the Detroit auto industry was booming. Swanson made a fried chicken TV dinner you could actually eat. The little chocolate brownie cake was GOOD! Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Green Jeans and Mr. Moose didnt give two shits about your kid losing at picture pages. Winners went home and fucked the prom queen, losers who cried got a ton of ping pong balls dropped on their heads in shame. We were a country of look good, work hard rise to the top, or screw up, have a case of body oder and eat your boogers then get picked last for the kickball team.

Why? Because beautiful women, who were smart, knew their place, and kept their mouths shut, let us men think we were in charge, placated our tender egos and organized our shit. Beautiful women made us look good and we succeeded on their hard work and went out and conquered more. They brought us scotch.

Now look at us. I have to type my own shit! I can’t even inappropriately look at the secretaries ass much less give it a good pat and compliment her on her appearance without a trip to human resources with corporate counsel present.

Is it any wonder our economy is in the toilet? We don’t produce shit anymore. We’re a country of whiners and we reward mediocracy. We don’t want to offend the losers by elevating the winners. Everyones equal. I have to get my own goddamn scotch!

We’re going backwards my friends.

It’s been a while

It’s been awhilelucillelight
Since I couldn’t
Hold my head up high
And it’s been awhile
Since I said, “I’m sorry”

A year ago tomorrow I lost my Golden Retriever, Lucille to cancer. The hows and whys have been discussed and documented in this blog over the last year so I wont bore the audience with rehashing of the past.

I have been thinking about this approaching anniversary with mixed emotions. I wont lie its been mostly dread and sadness. Dread and sadness because I find myself slowly forgetting the small things about the dog. Her smell, her soft fur, how she would follow or look at me when I talked to her or her paws smelling like Fritos. The tangible things we take for granted. I’ll always carry her memory in my heart and mind, but the small things with time slip away.

I have rescued a couple or new dogs since Lucille has left, and while I have just as much an attachment to them as I did to her, its not the same. I didn’t hold these dogs at a week old. While I know both these new dogs are as happy and content to be here with me now, and the happiness I have in looking at them in their gratified lives there are times I still miss Lucille and wish she was here. All in all I guess I am right where I expected to be mentally a year later. I give myself a C+ or 73%

It’s also been a while since I posted up any McAwesome recipes over in the food section. Well fear not, its summer and its BBQ season. I have been experimenting on brisket and ribs these last few weeks.

BBQ is such a subjective issue with people. It doesn’t matter if I made ribs, chicken, or whatever standing next to Jesus H. Christ himself and my food was touched by the hand of the son of God. People are generally particular about what they consider good BBQ and thats BBQ that they make themselves or were raised eating.

Another reason this is true is because with the exception of a very few restaurants across this country making and selling true low and slow BBQ for profit is a no win proposition. To properly smoke a brisket takes 12-15 hours. Ribs 5-7 hours. Pulled pork 10 hours. So most restaurants cheat the BBQ and cook these meats conventionally in a more expeditious manner to remain profitable. This is the biggest reason when you go out to eat BBQ why its generally just ok. Nothing to knock your socks off or better then what you have done yourself at home following the most traditional BBQ cooking methods.

Well I have been playing around with my ribs recipe. Both my spare and baby back loin ribs and I am making and eating ribs in less then one hour and twenty minutes start to finish. If you didn’t see how I do it, I could put the ribs up with any restaurants and frankly enter them into BBQ contests and Im sure half those idiot judges would passing grade them.

I’ll put a rib recipe up in a few days with the trick. There will be true BBQ enthusiast controversy involved in the manner in which I get them done so quick, but then you can ask yourself, “Do I want ribs like within an hour or do I want to plan an entire day around them?”

Let me get this next part out of the way for the NSA and Uncle Sam in case they are reading along too. “Eat my ass!”

Nothing is private anymore folks. If you don’t want others knowing your business don’t put it out there.

That’s about the size of things. It’s a new day and a new week.

Let ‘er rip tater chips!

Did you know?

pattonDid you know?

Did you know that humans (anatomically accurate and modern like you and me today) have been on earth dating back to the middle Paleolithic age? That’s about 200,000 years ago. Thats not Neanderthal man, or bi-pedal apes and evolution. Humans as you and I see each other with the same essential brain capacity for learning have been on this planet for about 200,000 years and thats simple fossil evidence backing that fact up. Good piece of time huh? Color TV, internet porn, canned Spam, the iPhone, thong panties, and self parallel parking cars. Not bad for 200,000 years. We sure have come a long way.

Did you know that from when the Wright brothers flew in the air under power for the very first time in human history, 65 years 7 months and 3 days later man stepped foot on the moon? Think about that for a minute.

We’ve been roaming this earth in our current form for a little more then 200,000 years. It took us less then seventy years from the very fist time we learned to fly, until we set foot on something other then earth 250K miles away in space.

In the grand scheme of things sixty-five or seventy years is but a blip a fraction of time in 200,000 years of human exisitence. One day we said “shit we can fly” and from that moment on a short sixty-five and a half years later we walked on the moon.

Imagine in human existence we made fire, the wheel, hunted animals, made communities, countries, governments, gun powder, war, electricity, cars, and in all that learning, living, and conquering in about a fraction of a bit of time taught ourselves to fly and then left the planet.

What have we done since the moon? Where has our human spirit of creation, learning, exploring and understanding taken us? I suggest and it is my opinion, FUCK ALL. We have done squat in 40 years.

Sure, some may argue we created cell phones, internet, satellite TV, shitty AOL and Amazon customer service phone centers in India and Pakistan. What is all that in the big picture? Its nothing. Its lazy, and greedy. I like lazy and greedy too, but really what have we done? In fundamentally five minutes of human history we learned to move through the air and then walk on another celestial body. Since that time, we have spent about half of what it took to learn to get to the moon and back, figuring out a way to get pizza delivered in thirty minutes or less and to send pictures of our cocks to hot women on the internet!

In 200,000 years of modern human history, I have to watch a family member in the prime of her life battle cancer!?

The smartest minds on this planet in sixty-five years found a way to lift a man off the ground and send him to the moon and back. Yet in 200,000 years those same smart minds have to look a mother and father in the eyes and say we don’t know what to do our how to cure your child of cancer. The same cancer those minds have known since about 300 BC. Thats about 2300 years for all you keeping score at home on your Gregorian calendar bingo punch cards.

There is something seriously the matter with this picture. You will notice I have left out religion and politics in any of this for reasons or blame. Blame rests solely on all of our shoulders. We have become lazy, and greedy. Lazy in that we have lost our desire to learn and conquer. Lazy to create. Lazy to elect representative government who fails to drive us to greatness with human interest at stake rather then their own.

Greedy because its more profitable in the therapeutic maintenance of terminal disease rather then its simple eradication. Greedy because hard on and erectile dysfunction pills are quicker to make, market and get FDA approval then say curing diabetes, congenital heart disease, and cancer.

We did this to ourselves. We all have to shoulder this blame. The only positive thing in all of this is, and its especially true for me and my fellow americans, is that we can at any time stand up and say, “WTF stop this madness.” We can demand accountability from our elected representatives or remove them from office. We can stop ignorance and the dumbing down of the general population by the mainstream media. We can take the money or raise the money and demand our brightest brains to cure disease. We can stop taking from one another and giving to others for someone else’s profit. We can empower industry to create what we want and need. We can learn, we can create we can cure. We are still free.

In California a 16 year old high school girl on a whim because she is pissed about her cell phone battery always draining, puts her head to work. She creates a super capacitor that can potentially charge a cellphone in 20 seconds.

How much money and computing power does our government spend in an hour, day, week, month, year dealing with taxes and the IRS?

How long would it take the scientists with all that IRS operating budget and computer power to say map all the human genetic code to cure disease?

Its not hard. All we have to do is demand it. Want it and we can make it so. When do we stand up? When do we say stop? Our governments and societies want this to look impossible. They are in business to stifle our will. Its not hard to change this. All we have to do is want it. We’re still free. We’re still the greatest and smartest generation. My only worry is for how long?

Let ‘er rip, tater chips.

Hello June, I see you brought along Summer.

tornadoIt’s June. Its summer. The year is almost half over.

As we enter Atlantic hurricane season here in the south, I am hoping for a rather calm and uneventful rest of the year. It seems God is busy douching out the gene pool through the middle of the country with tornados every five minutes. Maybe he’ll spare us.

Am I alone when I giggle, shake my head and otherwise have no fucks left to give when the news reports how some “famous” storm chasers were killed by chasing a tornado? Listen don’t get me wrong. I stand behind anyones right to be stupid. I’ll even concede the idea that some of these so called storm chasers are actually doing valuable data collection and real work to better understand tornados and get early warning systems working even better. However, I am not a scientist with a ten pound brain, but why are these idiots masquerading as very smart people chasing tornados in tin can Chevys and Toyotas? Where does that thinking come from?

Hey look Bob, here comes a two hundred and fifty mile an hour tornado, its about two miles wide and theres semi’s and freight train cars twirling 1000 ft in the air, lets speed into it in our Chevy Suburban. We can make it. Were safe. Its for science.

Of all the money private industry and universities pour into studying tornados and other bad weather, why doesn’t one of these supper smart yet incredibly lacking common sense nerds go…

Hey wait, instead of doing this in some soccer mom mini van with a laptop and internet porn next to the doppler 35000 channel five alive weather radar, why don’t we buy a used de-milled M1 Abrams tank? 4600 pound truck? Or 68 ton armored tank? Chop the barrel off, put a big toilet flapper valve on the end to keep out water and you’re all set.

How hard is this? What stops a tank? Nothing! What stops a mini van full of  tornado nerd boners? A 250 mile an hour street sign sticking out of a cows ass! Thats what! Besides an M1 Abrams without the governor will kick ass across a pasture full of debris at 70+ mph.

War is winding down, Obama is gutting our military what better way to re-provision government assets? Keeps the Abrams factory in Lima, Ohio working. Its a win all around.

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this? Heck hiring Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd to shoot nuclear ghost busters laser containment beams at the tornados would be smarter then what these idiot storm chasers are doing.

Sometimes, I just don’t get it.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.