Happy New Years or Yea Right. Where the hell have you been?

Yes, its been a while. Sometimes life has a way of re-directing your attention for a time. Sometimes you’re just not in the mood to blog or have anything of significance to say. Sometimes its just like “why?” and I’m all like “because, F- you thats why.” Sometimes its just as simple as I’m busy or tired or happy somewhere else.

Today I’ll swing by this blog, update the software and plugins, and do the general maintenance that none of you readers gives a shit about.

I do have some observations and random statements.

There is a lot of stupid people in the world. Stupid knows no bounds. Our President and current government are stupid.

Look at the majority of people on Facebook most of them are stupid.

Walk down the street. See all the people? Yep their all pretty much stupid.

IRS, stupid.
EPA, stupid.
Al Sharpton, stupid.
Radical Islam, stupid.
Ultra right wing fundamentalist Christian conservative, stupid.
Liberals, stupid.
Sony, stupid.
North Korea, stupid.
Pop music, stupid.
Someone that insists on telling others “They are not stupid.” Yep you guessed it they are fucking stupid!

I literally could fill line after line and page after page of examples of stupid. Then I’d be stupid.

You have the right to be as stupid as you want to be. Hell I don’t even care if you want to be stupid. Where I do take exception is when you aren’t happy being stupid and want to force others to be as stupid as you. You stupids do this through legislation, the mainstream media, your churches, and civic groups.

Really, go be as stupid as you want. Leave me the hell alone. I am perfectly content watching you be stupid.

My folks finally got a new puppy. See? His name is Cooper. He’s not stupid.

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It’s Beginning to Look A lot Like..

Elf…something. Just not Christmas. Where the hell has the time gone? It was Thanksgiving just yesterday and tomorrow is Christmas. Well not literally but you know what I mean. Every time I turn around it seems like another month has escaped me.

Thanksgiving this year was spent with friends and family. A special and admittedly belated thanks goes out to the Busby’s for allowing me to crash their thanksgiving meal after work. Amy outdid herself with stuffed mushrooms and artichoke while Allen deep fried a bird. A small group of us got together to share a meal. Its these times, I believe, where you can sit down with friends and family and eat together where one really appreciates what one has in life. It doesn’t take much to be happy, but when shared with those in your life it certainly rejuvenates one soul.

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That was my traditional Thanksgiving this year. Many thanks Amy and Allen. Oh and Debbie. That cranberry jello walnuts stuff was pretty damn good.

Ok that catches me up for November. Lets get to work on December. Pretty much all that comes to my mind so far in December is a simple, “WTF”

Of course Mr. Obama hauls ass to Nelson Mandela’s memorial service. Expected no biggie right? Sure. No Problem. Except one little thing. Well two little things actually. Barry pisses off the wookie Michelle Obama when he grabs a selfie with the hot blond white girl ambassador or prime minister of some nordic country sitting next to him. Second was the douche bag hearing impaired interpreter that really didn’t know the first goddamn thing in sign language. 

Yes its true. During Nelson Mandela’s memorial service the gentleman who was a foot away from the podium translating famous world leaders (including Obama’s) speeches into sign language for the hearing impaired was in fact doing nothing more then waving runners home on infield triples. I am not kidding. You can’t make this shit up, he didn’t “sign” the first word in accepted sign language.

Ok thats a little weird right? Its gets better. A day or so later when the news spreads that this poor bastard doesn’t know shit, he comes out that “I am schizophrenic and was having a hallucination” to explain his rather odd behavior while attempting to translate the speeches. Finally some truth. The guy is actually schizophrenic. Yep nuttier then squirrel shit. In fact has a criminal record a mile long. Charged with rape, murder and a half a dozen other violent crimes.

I have been thinking how crazy is this poor bastard and the situation he gotten himself into? What possibly could be said or done to take the spot light off this guy and be even more ridiculous then this buffoon on a national stage next to world leaders essentially playing retarded patty cakes?

Well you guessed it. Our secret service puts our fucking President within two feet of this guy! Don’t get me wrong. Mr. Obama makes Jimmy Carter look like Sir Isaac Fucking Newton. However I do not want to see our President next to some African nut job on the worlds stage attacked and hacked to pieces with a machete. Where the fuck was the secret service on this one? Oh I know. Probably with the NSA watching all the fucking porn I am surfing. Go USA. America #1!!

pissedAnd when you think Mr Obama can’t plunge us into anymore of a bizarro world, I believe he stroked off Raul Castro somewhere exit stage left. To think all Michelle Obama the wookie cared about was when she was overheard saying “dis nigga best stay away from those honkey bitches with his selfie picture taking ass”.

Changing gears a bit.

Lately in the news I have been hearing a lot about this musical act or this artist canceling shows at Sea World.

I guess Sea World in Orlando from time to time has musical concerts at the theme park. I don’t associate Sea World with national musical acts but I guess its a thing now. Hey all the power to them I guess. Its a free world after all.

Anyway as it turns out these musical acts and artists are canceling shows at Sea World because of a recent documentary concerning Sea World and their Orca whales. The name of the movie is titled “BlackFish”. I found it on Netflix this weekend and watched it. Its also on Apple TV and probably most video on demand pay per views with most regional cable tv providers.

I would suggest anyone to watch this movie. Like most documentary movies you have to take it all with a grain of salt and understand the writers, directors, producers have a certain agenda. You have to watch with an open mind, separate fact from opinion and conclude your own position.

All that being said, again I say watch the movie. It may open your eyes to something I can safely assume most of us have ignored or blindly accepted.

Most of you know I live in Florida. Most of you live here too. For those of you who live out of state, or in another country, Sea World is in my back yard. You know it as a Disney like attraction in Orlando. It is. Its a company out to make money. They do. I have grown up around the ocean. I kill and eat the animals I have harvested from the ocean. Generally speaking I think I have been a good steward of the environment. Never take what I can’t eat on the sea or land. Never needlessly be cruel to animals domestic or wild.

I have been to Sea World more then a half dozen times in my life. I know the Sea World company line. “We are here to show, teach, learn about the animals of the oceans”. You hear and see it on the news and TV. Sea World is no different then a zoo, whats the big deal? Right?

What Sea World knows and does to the Orcas (killer whales) is appalling and disgraceful. I can remember going to Sea World as a small child. Shamu the killer whale was the main attraction at the time. The original Shamu is long gone. Now its a whale named Tilikum.

What Sea World doesn’t tell you or the trainers at the time is pretty astonishing. You know trainers that used to swim and run the shows with the whales at Sea World whom by the way are NOT marine biologists with advanced degrees, nope just good swimmers ,is that Tilikum has killed as of today three people while in captivity.

You see every other marine biologist or zoological expert that knows anything about Orcas in the wild will tell you that Orcas do not thrive in captivity. Since Sea World has been banned in pretty much all the states in this nation where Orcas exist and in other nations from taking Orcas from the wild they have been using Tilikum as the head of their in house breeding program. Yep they stud him out and he has sired more then twenty killer whales in captivity with about eleven surviving today.

So whats the problem Brock? They are making their own killer whales now and not taking anything from the wild. That would be ok but heres the only problem. Tilikum as been in captivity for so long and is so emotionally screwed up what you see as a killer whale is not at all what a killer whale in the wild is actually like.

Look at it like this. Imagine if you will that from today forward the only way to extend the human race was to be artificially inseminated with cum from Charles Manson.

Tilikum killed his first trainer twenty something years ago while in a Sea Land park in British Columbia. From there Sea World brought him to Orlando where he killed a civilian (whom sea world claimed stayed in park over night and snuck in to the tank to swim with Tilikum) around the year 2000. Then again around 2009 you probably remember the news when Tilikum grabbed the female trainer and killed her in front of a crowd.

TilikumHere’s  some more facts Sea World will not tell you. Orcas in the wild live about as long as humans. 70+ years. In captivity about 35 years.  Notice the dorsal fin curled over in the picture of Tilikum? No killer whale ever observed in the wild has shown this dorsal fin curled over. Only in captivity does this happen to killer whales and its a sign of mental distress. Killer whales in captivity regularly bite and attack each other. Killer whales in the wild seldom do this. Killer whales in the wild mate and the offspring stay with the mother forever and live in autonomous pods for life with their own specific language. There is no recorded event in history of a killer whale in the wild killing a human. Only whales in captivity have ever killed a human.

What is this rant about Brock? I don’t even know that this is a rant. Merely a discussion and factual talk about what Sea World and other animal entertainment like organizations claim they are providing for scientific research and the reality of the almighty dollar.

I am a capitalist. Make money if you can make money. Even use a captured animal from the wild if you want to. Go for it. Wrestle alligators. Charm deadly snakes. Stick your head in a lions open mouth. Knock yourself out. Where I have a problem is the world of bullshit you use to misinform people with to gain acceptance and justify the inhumane and shitty treatment of the animals to the extent of deadly attacks on the staff and general danger to the public.

If I choose to go to a circus in town and see the animals and a pissed off elephant goes crazy and tramples me and my kid to death then so be it. I know the circus is bullshit and mistreat animals and its my choice. Im informed and I accepted the risk. If i am attacked and killed I should get nothing. If I choose not to go to the circus and give them my money then the circus gets nothing. All is fair and everyone is equally informed. See how that works? Pretty simple right?

Sea World will have you believe what they are doing with the Orcas, Dolphins, Manatees, Sea Lions, Polar Bears, and every other damn thing they have swimming in a tank is for science, and the betterment of human kind from the understanding of our environment. That is clearly a load of fat bullshit. Its about making money through the exploitation of wild animals. I think they have a right to do it and you have a right to choose to spend your money going to see it. However, in your freedom, do it with honesty and be informed. Sure you will see beautiful and intelligent animals. Just know that it is nothing at all what those animals do or represent in the wild.

Alright I have rambled along enough. Lets try and wrap this bitch up and make some sense. Easy. Everything in life is like this. This isn’t just Sea World and Killer whales. Its also Walmart and cheap shoes. Its Obamacare. Its religion. Its taxes. Don’t blindly accept the picture on the outside and what you can easily see. Don’t let anyone do the thinking for you. Be honest look for the truth and then decide.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Hello October!

What’s new trusted and committed reader? I hope this update finds you well in this post Breaking Bad pre Walking Dead purgatory we find ourselves in.

Me? I’m good. In my last update I mentioned a new member to the pack at home. Coconut Head has made himself at home and is as thick as thieves with my other two scoundrels I call my best friends. We’re one BIG happy family now and things are running smoothly. IMG_1503

Can you guess which one is the alpha pack leader?

You know when a dog has accepted you as their master and trusts you completely. He / She will come up to you without provocation and lick you on the face. Genetically from when dogs were wolves a face to face licking is a sign of submission and acceptance. This hasn’t changed in any dog breeds or since man has domesticated the animals. Today for the first time since I brought him home, Coconut Head my Mastiff came up to me this morning and stared at me then licked my face. Now I was on the throne taking a shit at the time, but we keep things real in my house so it was all good.

If I have learned anything in life from dogs its the following. Dogs simply do not care who you are, what you do, what you look like, how much money you make, or how much you lie through your teeth trying to convince others that you are all the things you are not. In the simplest of terms if you can show an ounce of compassion, love, and leadership a dog will accept you, love you back and follow you to the grave. How much more simple can life get? We as humans often over complicate relationships and look where we end up? Oh and one more thing. Never say never. I swore I’d never get another male dog, I swore I’d never get a smaller dog. I also swore I’d never get three dogs. Yet here I am finding the most honest of life’s pleasures of owning three male dogs, and the profound simple enjoyment of being appreciated for providing a decent home to these animals by the mere lick of the face while taking a morning shit.

My next serious relationship with a woman I am simply going to state up front, love me and I’ll love you. Lead me and I will follow. Be honest with who you are and I wont care. From time to time I may lick your face when you take a shit to show you how much I love and appreciate you. (ok maybe not the last part but whatever, never say never right? She may be into that kind of thing)

I am convinced we can get a heck of a lot further in life and in happiness if we take a few lessons from our dogs. In the words of Walter White, “Cheer up beautiful people this is where you get to make it right.”

I love October. Besides being my birth month, October is one damn fine month in Florida. The weather usually breaks down here. By breaks I mean it goes from 90’s to 80’s on average with a slightly easier humidity point. Yes, it feels like fall. It has to be fall. Pumpkins are showing up on church lawns, and grocery stores. Walmart has Thanksgiving and Christmas shit out already, so it has to be fall. Three weeks into football season. My Harley is getting washed and ready for some road time. It is fall!

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Changes

cookWhat’s up faithful reader? Hope this update finds you well. I certainly can’t complain. I have some news, some observations, maybe a rant or bitch or two and well lets get into the meat of it all and waste no more time.

Lately I have been noticing change. Change in everything really. Obviously things need to change and change is natural. I don’t mind change at all and if I am prepared for it.  I usually welcome change. However I am a firm believer in that once a person or item or situation reached its fundamental pinnacle of perfection or awesomeness then it should be left alone. Of course this doesn’t work with everything otherwise things become stale and life would be boring. So although I preach and welcome the idea of change there is just some shit I wish would be left the hell alone. I’ll give an example.

Fruit Loops! With the exception of raisin bran or oatmeal I probably haven’t ate cereal in twenty plus years. Recently I have delved back into the realm of sugary children’s cereal for breakfast consumption. Now back in the day before all this Michele Obama healthy eating school lunch bullshit and other organic natural food kick there was an entire population of Generation X kids like myself that mainly subsisted on Fruit Loops, Happy Meals, and Totinos toaster oven pizza.

Last week, I bought a box of Fruit Loops Cereal. Right across the top of the box, right above that crazy fucking Toucan Sam with his LBGT friendly rainbow snout is the words, “made with whole grain.” I was like “oh thats nice a healthier option for the kids with anal parents.” I search throughout the grocery store shelves for the “old school gangster” Fruit Loops. You remember the kind made with white enriched full gluten crackling goodness in the three basic colors, and lacquered in pure sugar and the finest of high fructose corn syrup that left the milk in the bowl a rainbow tinged slurry of milk sugar that could keep a kid going all day.

Here I am slinging boxes of this fake Fruit Loop crap behind me in my quest for the real Fruit Loops of my youth. After standing in a pile of semi healthy boxes of Fruit Loops at my feet, and garnering more then one dirty look from a passerby and the fat pig in the electric cart who could not pass my General Mills cereal barricade I realize this new healthful brand of Fruit Loops is all there is for sale. Pissed off I grab a box (hey I am not a quitter and will try anything once) and I punt my way out of the pile of Fruit Loops around my feet swearing under my breath about another lost childhood staple and how the world is in a downward spiral to hell all somehow connected to this new bullshit healthy whole grain version of Fruit Loops.

The following week, I crack open the box one morning and pour a bowl full out. Right away I can tell the actual bits of cereal while still round seem to be smaller and more dense then what I remember of the crack like full puffiness of the originals. Secondly theres about three to four more neon colors in the cereal that I know were not in the original version. I pour in some milk and resign myself to the passing of another staple of my childhood. The taste was ok I guess, and while there was some semblance of the sugary milk payday at the end, it was just not the same.

Why did we have to screw with Fruit Loops? What did we gain? A generation of children grew up eating the old Fruit Loops. Hell Fruit Loops are generally the first real food babies are given to eat. My mother poured the cereal out dry onto the tray of my high chair and I ate those circles of sugary goodness before I could say my name and not crap my diaper. This is where I do not believe in change.

IMG_1476Good Change? A little over a year ago I said goodbye to my angel Golden Retriever Lucille due to cancer. As of this afternoon I now have three dogs in this house with me. A Cocker Spaniel, a Mastiff bulldog mix, and a full AKC Dogue De Bordeaux. Yea I know I haven’t quite got past the point of wondering if I am slowly slipping into “crazy cat lady” like insanity but so far so good. Everyone is getting along, no aggressive posturing so it looks like the pack is growing in size.

His official name is Coconut Head. All my dogs are named after characters from the movie Cool Hand Luke. I pretty much have the main characters of the movie covered now. Lucas, Dragline and now Coconut Head. (Coco) for short. Coco handles all the bets for cool drinks. “Coco we got us a bet here!”

In reality I don’t call any of them by their names. They are all referred to some size of “nug” or nugget. I have Little nugget (short for butt nugget) middle nugget and now big nugget or big nug. mmm yea no really I’m not losing my mind at all.

Anyway this is probably it for me. As I look around the house its not crowded and there is plenty of room for the four of us, but as it stands I can probably only comfortably walk these three dogs at a time. Its also probably on the threshold of lunacy I’ll have to try and  explain away to any future girlfriends I may invite over here.

More good change is Apple finally released the new iOS 7. Lots of people commenting that it looks cartoonish etc. In the end I am finding it a step up in the right direction from what we had with version 6. When it comes to electronics and computers most people get used to something and denounce change but in the end change is good in this case. The evolution of computers and science is based on change and without change well we cant hope to survive as a species. iTunes radio is also about six weeks away from driving the first of the numbered few nails into the coffin of Pandora internet radio. You heard it hear first folks. Watch.

Anyone been watching the final season of Breaking Bad? I’m on that every Sunday night like stank on shit. I am going to be sad when the series ends this next Sunday, but with change there is always something more. Saul Goodman the slick assed lawyer from the show, is getting his own series on AMC. Yep “Better Call Saul” is getting his own show. It will be a prequel of sorts detailing how Saul Goodman came to be the scumbag lawyer we all have come to love. I personally can not wait.

That’s about it.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

She said what?

paulaBy now we all know the brouhaha that has surrounded the famed celebrity cook, restauranteur, and shitty pots and pans shill Paula Deen. Thirty years ago she admittedly confessed to her at the time husband about referring to the man that held a gun to her head while working as a bank teller during an armed robbery as a “nigger”.

This shocking revelation was discovered during a sworn deposition regarding an ongoing law suite in which Deen and her brother are defendants.

I am not shocked how the mainstream media has handled this revelation. However it is interesting how the general public has taken the contextually and inaccurately drawn conclusions about Paula Deen’s past use of the obligatory N-bomb. The media and simpleton public have somehow come to the conclusion that Paula Deen referring to the black man that could have killed her, who forcefully and illegally exerted his will on her with a firearm during the commission of a crime as a “nigger” that she is somehow now labeled a racist and something worse then Hitler, the KKK or a run of the mill skin head neo-nazi.

I live in the south. I have grown up in the south. I am well aware of the roots and origin of the N-word. I know of its derogatory nature towards a group of people and its negative connotations. I am somewhat educated, have traveled all over this country and a good chunk of this planet. I have interacted with in both my professional and personal life people of color. Black, Yellow, White, Mulatto, you name it. Although I have never met any gypsy fortune tellers with three nipples. Pretty much the rest of the population however I can mark off the bingo card.

Everyone knows the word “nigger” is offensive and has no place in everyday speech.

In my life I have heard the word “nigger” used many times. I realized it wasn’t because I lived in the south, or associated with bigots. I can honestly say I have heard the word more times then not from the mouths of blacks themselves. Educated blacks, all the way down to the lowest common denominator homeless blacks on the street. Blacks in south, in the north, USA blacks, all the way to African blacks who never saw an electric light, who USA blacks would say, “goddamn Africa is home and where we’re from but “F” this is some backwoods shit.”

My question is if the word “nigger” is so abominably offensive to blacks and an outright cardinal sin for a caucasian to utter, then why does the black community use the word so freely amongst themselves?

Rap lyrics in the last twenty years? Eddie Murphy? Richard Pryor? Hollywood, Friday, Next Friday, Friday after Next movies? Overheard any three blacks talking to each other when they think no one else can hear? Or hell when three blacks talk to each other and don’t care who else can hear? Give me three black people, thirty minutes and I will guarantee you with the last cent to my name, any number of “nigger, niggas, negros” and as sure as i am typing this rather culturally controversial blog post a “shit mothafucka” as sure as the sun rises in the east and sets in the west each and every day.

I have heard and experienced these same “nigger” and derivative word usage by blacks essentially all over the world, in all cultures, religions, educational, financial and fiscal levels of black existence. Argue all you want that I may be stereotyping a small segment of the black community to represent the whole. I simply do not agree and it has not been my empirical experience.

Do not misunderstand me, please. I do not suggest or condone the common usage of the world “nigger” by Paula Deen or anyone else for that matter. However I do feel it rather hypocritical of any person or organization to pass judgement on anyone that may have used the word at some time in their life, when the majority of the segment of the people the word is targeted to offend is freely using the word amongst themselves in relative everyday language.

I should fully disclose and although I am not under oath but for the mere journalistic  integrity of this blog post I have used the word “nigger”. Actually I better just come clean with all the bad words I have used.

  1. Nigger
  2. Honkey
  3. Chink
  4. Towel Head
  5. Gook
  6. Kike
  7. Cunt
  8. Cocksucker
  9. MotherFucker
  10. Jackoff
  11. Retard
  12. Dickhead
  13. Wetback
  14. Beaner
  15. Window Licker
  16. Pie Face
  17. Bitch
  18. Faggot
  19. Fag
  20. Shitdick
  21. Shithead
  22. Scumbag
  23. Fuckface
  24. Dumbass
  25. Douchebag

These are just the worlds I have either used to describe a person or relate a completely inappropriate off color joke. This week.

Guess what? I have been called everyone of those words at some point in my life. By my mother, father, brothers, ex-girlfriends, current girlfriends, blacks, whites, preachers, nuns, senators, congressmen, strippers, and the occasional Jehovahs Witnesses on a Saturday morning at my front door.

I have used the word ‘nigger” yes. I am not proud of that fact but I have. I have also been down in the dirt and sand with a black man in a fighting hole next to me not knowing what the next hours were going to bring to either of us, but he was my friend and I would have killed someone or died myself defending him and I know he would have done the same for me.

You see I can tell a dirty joke. I can laugh at a dirty joke. If you’re a cocksucker I’ll call you a cocksucker. The color of your skin when I meet you means nothing to me. Its your character and your actions towards me that I judge you on. I expect nothing less in return.

Could Paula Deen have used a different word describing the man that took from her and could have killed her? Sure she could have. Was the man that did those things during that bank robbery what Paula Deen called him? In my opinion you bet your ass he was. I’d have called him the same thing if it happened to me tomorrow much less thirty years ago. The difference is I didn’t make $17 million dollars last year. Paula Deen did.

You see the word “nigger” really isn’t that offensive to anyone truth be told. Unless you got a lot of something to lose and you’re white. You see if Paula Deen made any mistake by using the word “nigger” thirty years ago describing the man that robbed her at gun point, its that she didn’t use the same word to describe the white woman who Paula and her brother had to fire from their restaurants for cause and is now bringing this law suite against them. Because frankly she deserves to be called one too as much as the man that robbed Paula 30 years ago. They are both doing the exact same thing, only one used a gun and the other is trying to use the legal system.

Lets be honest here. Had the woman who is suing Paula and her brother Bubba worked for Patrick and Gina Neely (whom are black, and were discovered and owe their food network fame to Paula Deen) was fired and then brought a law suite against the them on the basis the Neelys called some white woman a honky 30 years ago for not paying for some BBQ ribs do you think it would be national news?

Food for thought. <———pun

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Mad Men is nice but Christina Hendricks is one hot piece of ass.

joanSo I have been watching Mad Men again this season. It’s been on AMC for a few years now and if you been under a rock, its essentially about a Madison Avenue advertising agency set in the 1960’s.

The first couple of years were great, then for a couple of years the writing sucked (IMHO) and now its getting back to good.

Its pretty much been the number one show for the last five years or so and if you haven’t checked it out get your Netflix on and settle in for some binge TV.

Christina Hendricks plays the roll of Joan Harris. She is head of the secretary pool and pretty much the glue of the agency. She also bangs Roger, one of the partners and is mother to his bastard child. Don Draper may be a smooth operator, steel and sex appeal, but Joan Harris just down right rocks my world. She is a bad bitch. They just don’t make women like that anymore. I watch this show and wish and dream that I lived and was of age during this era. I would have been bigger then pop top beer cans. I could have ruled the world with my very own Joan Harris.

Really what happened to the work place? The one where I could light up a smoke in my office, pour a scotch and smack a secretary on the ass and tell her “Good job sweetheart, now copy that letter to the partners, buy my wife a valentines day scarf, and bring me another scotch.”

I think it was the Xerox copiers, computers, internet, and probably some scumbag lawyers. Life was so much simpler with short hand, IBM Selectric typewriters, mimeograph machines, Camel unfiltered cigarettes and good scotch.

We NEEDED women for those things. Rotary dial phones and a switchboard, women. Dictation, women. Supply closet inventory, women. Opening the mail, women. Getting me another scotch, women.

Is it any wonder in the 1960’s when business operated this way with vital business roles fulfilled by women, (with great tits and ass) at the direction of incredibly smart and business savvy men, we were a nation of greatness? We went to the moon. Chevy Camaros and Corvettes had 400 horsepower and the Detroit auto industry was booming. Swanson made a fried chicken TV dinner you could actually eat. The little chocolate brownie cake was GOOD! Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Green Jeans and Mr. Moose didnt give two shits about your kid losing at picture pages. Winners went home and fucked the prom queen, losers who cried got a ton of ping pong balls dropped on their heads in shame. We were a country of look good, work hard rise to the top, or screw up, have a case of body oder and eat your boogers then get picked last for the kickball team.

Why? Because beautiful women, who were smart, knew their place, and kept their mouths shut, let us men think we were in charge, placated our tender egos and organized our shit. Beautiful women made us look good and we succeeded on their hard work and went out and conquered more. They brought us scotch.

Now look at us. I have to type my own shit! I can’t even inappropriately look at the secretaries ass much less give it a good pat and compliment her on her appearance without a trip to human resources with corporate counsel present.

Is it any wonder our economy is in the toilet? We don’t produce shit anymore. We’re a country of whiners and we reward mediocracy. We don’t want to offend the losers by elevating the winners. Everyones equal. I have to get my own goddamn scotch!

We’re going backwards my friends.

White Smoke? Black Smoke? I see Purple Haze

Hear my train a comin”? -Jimi Hendrix

Jimi Hendrix’s family who now and have for the last ten or fifteen years own the rights to his music, images, property have released an album (People, Hell, & Angels) of nine or ten songs by Jimi that have never been released before. They are not all together new songs but they are versions of songs we have never heard before Mr. Hendrix recorded them in about 1969-ish.

Unless you are a Hendrix completist, don’t go buy the album as you probably wont be happy. Its bluesy and not what you think of when you imagine Hendrix’s music. If you appreciate great music and what Jimi would have done next if he had lived, then this is a good representation of what might have been.

With all these things being said, here is the amaze balls part of the story. The record is number 2 on the billboard top 200 album list. Hendrix was last on the Billboard top 200 list at number 1 with Axis Bold as Love in 1969. Dead forty-two years and some change, and still puts albums of music at the top of the sales charts. Thats nothing short of incredible that the likes of Tu-pac, or say Michael Jackson would barely be able to sniff the crusty drawers of being able to do forty-two years later.

In other news we have a new Pope. Another crusty old fuck who will maintain the closed minded dogma of denying simple birth control and that somehow homosexuals are not human and an abomination. He’s a man of the poor and has been known to walk to work. As I understand it, since his papal chimney farted out his holinesses white queef of selection, our own beloved President of he poor has been trying to bang in the numbers to phone the Pontiff’s secretary for a lunch date next week. Probably wants to talk shop I’m guessing.

Now for the sad news.

TickleMugShot

How in the fuck are you going to arrest my man Tickle? Charge? Drunk in public. Drunk in public at a Goddamn shop and stop type convenience store no less. Look at the guys job! Be on TV drunk. Be on TV drunk, and make illegal moonshine no less. What kind of ball-less bastard of a cop would haul in Tickle on a drunk in public charge? He wasn’t driving. So what, he had a few drinks and was trying to pick up some quality ass at his local Step Saver by laying down his line, “hey I am Tickle from Moonshiners. Want to know why they call me Tickle…..Burp?”

The world is going to hell. What color smoke from the papal chimney is the color for, “You’re all fucked, I am out of here on the Jesus jet, good luck heathens?”

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

Having Trouble With My Direction

MyrtleManorUpside-down, psychotic reaction. -The Cult

Another Monday passed us and another week ahead.

I think I have found my dream calling. I may finally have seen the “tap dancing Jesus H. Christ” light. I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to be a trailer park landlord. In Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Not a fancy new trailer park with new modular homes. I am talking single wides on wheels. Maybe a couple half assed run down Air Stream silver bullets and other tear drop like gypsy wagons. As Brad Pitt in the movie Snatch called ’em “Caravans” periwinkle blue ones even. A couple pink flamingos, and other Kitschy ornaments and I am all set.

See I always said, I was going to retire into a nice motor home and spend my last years traveling the country and tramp around. I am talking a nice diesel pusher with pop outs and full amenities. I would sell everything I had, cash out and hit the road. What better way to retire? I am not paying taxes, moving around the country in my RV and Harley. North in the summer, south in the winter. Im not stuck banging a bunch old lonely women in nursing homes with Viagra and STDs. I’m out in the world free. RV campsite to campsite. Meeting fellow travelers living on the road. Yellowstone, Devils Tower, Alaska, Grand Canyon, Yosemite Park.

Then I started watching Welcome to Myrtle Manor on the TLC channel. It’s about a trailer park in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Its everything I dream about in an old tourist trap RV/Trailer park in a vacation spot. Low rent, baby momma drama, pink flamingos, Kitsch, Art Deco and Bungalow styles all mixed in to one.

Its so tacky but at the same time fun in a highly manipulative way. I could thrive and take over in there like Lex Luther at a sheriff’s youth ranch for first time offenders. I could be the KING OF RANCHO CUCAMONGA! I am the only one paying CASH!

Look at this list of characters:

  • A couple of sluts selling hotdogs on the beach for rent money.
  • A slut and a night club promoter who are fighting jealousy issues.
  • A token trailer park security guard with an IQ of about 68
  • A drunk mother of the night club promoter son above
  • A drifter maintenance kid who cant change a light bulb
  • A gay man and rather ugly woman running a beauty salon / hair dressers trailer for the tenants.
  • A Park Manager who’s father put her in charge of the trailer park trying to get the back rent from deadbeats.

I can’t stop watching! Its worse then a bad car accident with blood and guts all over the road. I have to look and see. Whats really bad? I have fantasies of running and living in a place just like this. How I would be making money hand over fist, a dozen sexual harassment lawsuits, more kids with different mothers to make that kooky Duggar family with 50 kids and a clown car vagina look like the Walton’s.

I cant get enough of it. There are above ground pools, putt putt golf, tattoos, dyed hair and fake boobs in bikinis. Its like some TV producer looked inside my head and opened up the twisted scumbag file and made a tv show about it.

I am transfixed. I am baffled. I am like a small retarded kid looking at all the blinking Christmas lights before shitting myself. You know that moment in your life when something clicks in your mind and everything makes sense. Happiness rolls through your body, and your mind is telling you what words to put together and scream at the top of your lungs and all that comes out is rather out of character killing a cat sounding screams and spitting and even though you hear it and your mind goes “what the fuck was that noise you just made” but you don’t care and continue on. Yea thats me. Well sort of. Ok not really. Well a little bit. Sorry. Not sorry.

I love this shit.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

Hey Joe, where you going with that gun in your hand?

OverthelineIts another TGIF around the Whats Up Brock empire and I for one am glad. I can’t quite put my finger on it but its been a long week.

Between the Honda Classic with Tiger Woods just down the road and a couple of cops getting shot yesterday morning the local news has been jam packed full of insanity. Insanity  that news folks and those that produce news television are complete morons. Sadly the crap they show us on the news is a direct reflection of society as a whole. They show us what we (collectively) want to see and hear about. This saddens me, because it becomes clearer to me each day that I am literally surround by idiots.

News folks love selling misery, perceived imminent weather death, and hero worship.

I live in a tropical hurricane zone. I know this. Its averaged 77 degrees this winter, I put up with the possibility of hurricanes. I don’t need 24X7 coverage every time a fart in a whirlwind spawns off the coast of ass-crack Africa. Let NOAA give me 48 hours notice before landfall and I am good.

A cop was shot and killed yesterday during a routine traffic stop. No rhyme, no reason, just a shitty thing. A shitty thing to die, but for Christ sake, it was a cop. Its part of his job. If you want to be a cop, and you follow around a known scumbag who has been in trouble, before, you ran his tags and know its him, then you wait for him to coast through a stop sign and pull him over, then guess what? Be ready for the unknown. In this case getting your ass shot the hell up by a lowlife piece of shit. Its part of the job and you accept that and if you don’t then find a new line of work. I feel bad for the cops family honest, but I dont need 48 hours of local news idiots pre-empting my Ellen Show to sit and pontificate why a drug dealing scumbag shot and killed a sheriff deputy for pulling him over. Its life, it sucks sometimes, move along nothing to see here.

I am all for local events and sporting activity. Anything that helps the local economy is ok and good in my book. The last fifteen or so years PGA national has been putting on the Honda Classic golf tournament. Last year El Tigre’ or Tiger “the meatshank” Woods has been playing in the tournament. Yes I understand he’s awesome and the crowds he draws I think are great. However for the last thirteen years the news could hardly give two shits about the Honda Classic and it was barely a thirty second blurb on the 11:00pm newscast. Now with Tiger playing, all the local news is camped out at the tournament. Tiger this, Tiger that, I wonder if Tiger will get caught banging Lindsey Vonn behind the Titleist bus in a full leg cast? The news doesn’t give half a shit about Tiger. The news are a bunch of vultures waiting to catch the guy bust a nut in some other whore, then judge the guy for falling from grace as the golf hero everyone loves and looks up to. The news and media made the guy the hero, but the reality is he’s just a damn great golfer who likes to get laid and hit some strange. Really who’s dreams are crushed here? It certainly isn’t Tigers. He’s living true to himself. Its the media who put the guy up on a pedestal and made him holier then thou and when they find out he isn’t the almighty world saving golf hero they wanted him to be, they chase and camp out faking interest in his golf waiting for him to be  a normal  asshole again.

As much as I rail against the news idiots for showing this shit and behaving the way they do, I have to sit and remind myself, they are only giving us shit because we demand to see the shit. Its ratings and they know we watch the cockamamie garbage they put out. They give us exactly what we want to see. I dont want to see it per-se but it saddens me that enough of my idiot neighbors and countrymen want to see it because it proves we’re doomed.

The only thing, and I mean only thing the news stations do right is the weather. No they have no more weather expertise then looking at doppler radar, seeing no rain, and then broadcasting “slim chance of rain today”. Any one of us could do the exact same thing. Where the news station does this right in my book, is very simple. They get a mid to late twenty something blond hottie with great tits and legs to tell me what I already know. I haven’t yet watched a news weather broadcast from my local NBC station where I have actually listened to the young lady (Kait Parker, Kait Parker I love you Kait Parker) and heard a damn thing she was saying about the weather. No sir. I look at the lovely Ms. Parker and dream about what her cute skirt would do in a hurricane, a light mist on her long bare legs, the tank top under her casual Friday business coat that not buttoned getting wet, the ever just barely pronounced nipple staining against the taut fabric….and my mind thinking, such a beautiful woman, shame she is brainwashed into thinking what she is doing right this second a semi-trianed chimp couldn’t also do.

So yeah, its a TGIF today for sure. I predict its going to be sunny with a chance of showers with a cool front then it will get warm again. And rain again, and …..

Let ‘er rip tater chips!

Well, I’m glad that’s over.

Max Overdrive Has the whole world gone mad? What the hell is going on out there? It’s like the earth has been caught up in a nearby passing comet’s trail and all the machines humans have gone bat-shit crazy. Only difference is there is no cool AC/DC soundtrack and Emilio Esteves isn’t a short order cook at a truck stop gas station.

Cris Kyle, Navy Seal, and the greatest sniper to come out of the Iraq/Afghanistan wars was killed this weekend by another broken veteran on a gun range in Texas. I can’t help but notice how Obama’s liberal media machine is all over anything to do with gun violence. Its a shame really the media can’t report unbiased and news worthy facts. The facts are simple. Every single day, TWENTY-TWO war veterans commit suicide. Let that sink in and read it again. I’ll help you. Every single day, TWENTY-TWO war veterans commit suicide. The same exact veterans that are getting there medical and healthcare benefits reduced more and more by the very President sitting in the oval office right now.

I wish I had spoke to someone after I got back from the first Gulf War. Instead I just kept my mouth shut, didnt talk much about what I saw, and kept on and carried on. After all hearing my father moan and groan in bed with nightmares from Vietnam as a kid was normal. As I look and think back now, aside from pissing them off with snoring, I have probably scared the shit out of every woman I have ever slept in the same bed with since 1993 with occasional nightmares and waking up in cold sweats. Sorry ladies, where ever you may be now.

Last week this wackjob (another fucked up veteran) jumps on a school bus, blasts the driver and takes a kid hostage into an underground bunker for a week. Thankfully today that all ended with the child safe and the veteran dead.

What could go so bad in your head to make one do that? I can’t say I know or understand, but I will say what some see in battle is some horrendous shit. In my case bad, but not bad in as much as my buddies getting hurt next to me. But in the subsequent Iraq and Afghanistan wars, Beirut, Vietnam, that high intensity close in combat seeing your friends get hurt/killed or injured yourself doesn’t leave your mind. It hasn’t for me and comparatively speaking what I did and saw was a cakewalk.

It’s sad, but more infuriating that mental health aid isn’t more available to veterans. When it is the stigma attached to it is like you’re some kind of pussy is a real issue. The ironic thing is and you can mark my words now, in the near future all kinds of mental health assets and federal funds are going to be made available all over this country to make sure someone who wants to buy a hand gun is suitable to own one. There will be so much bureaucratic bullshit involved with mental health and gun ownership all while the veterans who need the help will not get it and continue on in pain and hell between their ears. Only thing is they probably wont get a gun to kill themselves with, so its back to the pills. booze, highway overpasses.

The Super Bowl was weird this year. The game was great in the second half. Beyonce was good. The commercials? Eh. Was I the only one thinking in my head when they pulled out the Newtown or whatever elementary school choir and thought to myself, WTF? Is it now pretty much accepted that every single national tragedy we go through we must rally up the survivors and somehow make a spectacle of them at championship sporting events? First its Captain Sully. Now the kids who didn’t get blown away. Whats next? Little Ethan who was saved from the bunker in Alabama today, gets to wave the green flag at the Indy 500?

I watched the brand new Netflix series House of Cards this weekend. Thirteen episodes of season one. Kevin Spacey, Robin Wright. About a congressman from South Carolina. It was the best thing I have watched since Sopranos, Mad Men, Sons of Anarchy, and Walking Dead. Do yourself a favor sign up for Netflix for thirty days free and watch this series. If you like politics, you will love this series. Its brand new, on Netflix only and its absolutely awesome. There is a second season coming out with another thirteen episodes probably towards the end of the year. I can not wait. David Fincher produces and directs some episodes. Its well done. Two thumbs up, five stars, highly recommend. Here is the best part. Netflix put out all the episodes of the entire season at one time. I binged the entire season Friday night and Saturday morning.

I’ll close this for now and hope that all the crazy in the world calms down a little.

Let ‘er rip, tater chip!