Hello June, I see you brought along Summer.

tornadoIt’s June. Its summer. The year is almost half over.

As we enter Atlantic hurricane season here in the south, I am hoping for a rather calm and uneventful rest of the year. It seems God is busy douching out the gene pool through the middle of the country with tornados every five minutes. Maybe he’ll spare us.

Am I alone when I giggle, shake my head and otherwise have no fucks left to give when the news reports how some “famous” storm chasers were killed by chasing a tornado? Listen don’t get me wrong. I stand behind anyones right to be stupid. I’ll even concede the idea that some of these so called storm chasers are actually doing valuable data collection and real work to better understand tornados and get early warning systems working even better. However, I am not a scientist with a ten pound brain, but why are these idiots masquerading as very smart people chasing tornados in tin can Chevys and Toyotas? Where does that thinking come from?

Hey look Bob, here comes a two hundred and fifty mile an hour tornado, its about two miles wide and theres semi’s and freight train cars twirling 1000 ft in the air, lets speed into it in our Chevy Suburban. We can make it. Were safe. Its for science.

Of all the money private industry and universities pour into studying tornados and other bad weather, why doesn’t one of these supper smart yet incredibly lacking common sense nerds go…

Hey wait, instead of doing this in some soccer mom mini van with a laptop and internet porn next to the doppler 35000 channel five alive weather radar, why don’t we buy a used de-milled M1 Abrams tank? 4600 pound truck? Or 68 ton armored tank? Chop the barrel off, put a big toilet flapper valve on the end to keep out water and you’re all set.

How hard is this? What stops a tank? Nothing! What stops a mini van full of  tornado nerd boners? A 250 mile an hour street sign sticking out of a cows ass! Thats what! Besides an M1 Abrams without the governor will kick ass across a pasture full of debris at 70+ mph.

War is winding down, Obama is gutting our military what better way to re-provision government assets? Keeps the Abrams factory in Lima, Ohio working. Its a win all around.

Why hasn’t anyone thought of this? Heck hiring Bill Murray and Dan Akroyd to shoot nuclear ghost busters laser containment beams at the tornados would be smarter then what these idiot storm chasers are doing.

Sometimes, I just don’t get it.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.