Devils Night 2014

brock18…or how most refer to as my birthday. Yep the big four three today. To be honest with you I really don’t feel forty-three. Hell I don’t feel forty or thirty-five. I guess in the grand scheme of things its good I don’t feel my age. I have never particularly acted it, so I guess it only goes to show that I don’t feel it either.

Technically, I am middle aged. I can only hope to live to eighty-six years old in relative good health.  So I am middle aged, and eternally single it seems. I just don’t get out much and meet new people. As far as a mid-life crisis I either haven’t had one, or have been in one the last twenty something years. I haven’t particularly grown stale in long term relationships (although I have been lucky enough to love a handful of some great women and a couple of cunts) and needed to go out and sow my wild oats or buy Corvettes. I have always gone after the women I wanted when I wanted, and as far as toys, I bought them all. Cars, trucks, motorcycles, tools, guns, TV you name it. If I wanted it I bought it.

Sometimes I wonder what if I had done this or accepted and settled down with that? In the end I figure I am right where I want to be. Happy. Could that include someone else in the future? I have no idea and thats what I like the most. Every new day is an adventure. I do know what I won’t give up and thats “me”. I am going to be me and me is content.

When I look back on my first half of life, certainly there are things I would like to have done differently. However in the end everything I have done to get me to this point the good, bad and ugly, has made me what I am today. In the big picture I can honestly say, I am one blessed motherfucker and try very hard to live with no regrets.

My family is golden. We’re no better or worse then any other and frankly most may even consider us functioning at the middle range of disfunction. Thats all ok. In the end I can honestly say through everything we all love each other and have each others back. Its my opinion that you’re basically shit without family. I have mine and thats like winning the lotto.

Friends. You want to judge someone? Easy. Just look at their friends. I have a metric shit ton of them. Some new some old. I can honestly say, if I lined up all my friends whom I think would stand up for me and admit saying “Yes I know him and he’s my friend” I would give the Dali Lama, Mother Teresa, Hunter S. Thompson, and Bob Hope a run for their money in the friend department. I couldn’t be more blessed in this regard.

My dogs seem to love me. Dogs can pretty much sniff out a scumbag at birth. Mine seem to appreciate and love me. I am winning in this subject for sure.

My nieces are a bit young yet, but I figure I’ll buy them their first beer, kick the shit out of the first scumbag boys that try and take advantage of them and teach them how to truly craft a string of profanity that would make any sailor or longshoremen blush. I’m sure they’ll appreciate these things later in life.

I am content, happy and forty-three today. What will the next forty-three years bring me? No clue, but I am looking forward to every one of those years with wide eyed wonder and abandon. I have learned some valuable lessons to get me to where I am today, and if by some chance I get more opportunities to strike with this hard learned knowledge the world is my oyster. If not? Well I’ll sit back, jerk off to some internet porn, pet the dogs, take a nap and call up some friends for dinner or a drink. I mean what else do I have to worry about? Signing up for Obamacare?

In the mighty words of Walter Sobchak, “Fuck it Dude. Lets go bowling.”

Thanks for all the birthday wishes on Facebook, Text messages, Tweets, etc. You know who you are, and I hope you know how much each of you means to me. It’s only 10PM and I still have a chocolate strawberry cake and a hand job coming to me . 😛

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Hello October!

What’s new trusted and committed reader? I hope this update finds you well in this post Breaking Bad pre Walking Dead purgatory we find ourselves in.

Me? I’m good. In my last update I mentioned a new member to the pack at home. Coconut Head has made himself at home and is as thick as thieves with my other two scoundrels I call my best friends. We’re one BIG happy family now and things are running smoothly. IMG_1503

Can you guess which one is the alpha pack leader?

You know when a dog has accepted you as their master and trusts you completely. He / She will come up to you without provocation and lick you on the face. Genetically from when dogs were wolves a face to face licking is a sign of submission and acceptance. This hasn’t changed in any dog breeds or since man has domesticated the animals. Today for the first time since I brought him home, Coconut Head my Mastiff came up to me this morning and stared at me then licked my face. Now I was on the throne taking a shit at the time, but we keep things real in my house so it was all good.

If I have learned anything in life from dogs its the following. Dogs simply do not care who you are, what you do, what you look like, how much money you make, or how much you lie through your teeth trying to convince others that you are all the things you are not. In the simplest of terms if you can show an ounce of compassion, love, and leadership a dog will accept you, love you back and follow you to the grave. How much more simple can life get? We as humans often over complicate relationships and look where we end up? Oh and one more thing. Never say never. I swore I’d never get another male dog, I swore I’d never get a smaller dog. I also swore I’d never get three dogs. Yet here I am finding the most honest of life’s pleasures of owning three male dogs, and the profound simple enjoyment of being appreciated for providing a decent home to these animals by the mere lick of the face while taking a morning shit.

My next serious relationship with a woman I am simply going to state up front, love me and I’ll love you. Lead me and I will follow. Be honest with who you are and I wont care. From time to time I may lick your face when you take a shit to show you how much I love and appreciate you. (ok maybe not the last part but whatever, never say never right? She may be into that kind of thing)

I am convinced we can get a heck of a lot further in life and in happiness if we take a few lessons from our dogs. In the words of Walter White, “Cheer up beautiful people this is where you get to make it right.”

I love October. Besides being my birth month, October is one damn fine month in Florida. The weather usually breaks down here. By breaks I mean it goes from 90’s to 80’s on average with a slightly easier humidity point. Yes, it feels like fall. It has to be fall. Pumpkins are showing up on church lawns, and grocery stores. Walmart has Thanksgiving and Christmas shit out already, so it has to be fall. Three weeks into football season. My Harley is getting washed and ready for some road time. It is fall!

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Ask and You Shall Receive

Its my friend Debbie’s birthday weekend. We refer to Debbie as the party princess for her good nature and always up for a good time without any drama. Well Debbie wants her birthday weekend to have a “Magic Mike” theme. After the urge to vomit, I somehow regain control and think to myself, “hey its her weekend and she likes the movie Magic Mike so she deserves what she wants.”

So TGIF my friends. Debbie, Party Princess, heres to an awesome birthday weekend, and here for your viewing pleasure, is as Magic Mike as I could get. Enjoy your birthday girl!

I Will Survive in My Mach 5

But I am blasting past,
with chickie on the dash
Chickie on the gas, go chickie! 

This is one of my nieces, Charlotte. She is about a year and a half old and almost getting to the age where I can teach her to say dirty words. She loves me. Her uncle will be so proud of her if I can get her to say “Bullshit” on Santa’s lap this year.

We’re in the final stretch and heading toward the election finish line. Can you feel it? Soon there will be no more annoying commercials. No more obnoxious tweets or Facebook posts. (yea right) Well you get the picture anyway.

Reality is Wednesday we’ll wake up and no matter who wins the election between then and January the mainstream media will inundate us with talk of election fraud, ballot tampering, lawsuits and how one party screwed the other. You heard it here first so get ready. Yes, I know its going to suck a little more, but look at it like this, we’ve got the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays fast approaching so there will be plenty of chances to escape the ugly reality of politics for a little while at least. A Romney win will also ease some tensions, but I think its too close to call.

Friday I met up with friends. We had dinner and hung out at a few of our old haunts. A good time was had by all. A friend on mine whom I have teased on this very blog about her baking and cooking skills gave me a cook book for my birthday. Its a reprint from 1957 and actually its pretty good. I suspect she got it as a joke, but I have actually spent the rest of the weekend reading it from cover to cover. My friend doesn’t know I actually look for and enjoy reading old cookbooks as a hobby.

Last week, I downloaded a .PDF of an original cookbook from Berkley, California from the 1960’s that used to be given away by a
grocery store co-op that is no longer in existence. It’s absolutely intriguing to read period cookbooks from the past to see how people ate. It can tell you a lot of things about the time and people. The foods are essentially the same as today, but you can definitely get a feeling for times past when someone is talking about making say a pot roast, with a chuck steak as being economical at .39 cents per pound for the meat. Furthermore, can you imagine look at and reading a recipe in a book that was last popular and seen by the likes of Janis Joplin and Charles Manson or Jimi Hendrix? That’s who was running around this area of California when this cookbook was in the hands of the hippies making love not war movement.

Don’t be surprised if you start seeing some old school recipes show up on the blog. If they turn out good, of course I’ll take credit. If not, then we’ll continue the trend of blaming Debbie or the hippies of the 1960’s. Kidding of course. Debbie doesn’t take any crap off me and is a good sport. The comment section of this blog proves that out.

In other news. I have an internet buddy who lives in Kentucky. He makes a BBQ and really an all purpose spice blend, seasoning. Steve sent me a couple of bottles to try out last week. I have only tasted it on my finger, but its damn good. Watch this space for a complete report. I am going to start using he hell out of it. I think you guys may like it. I have two bottles and may give one away here to a lucky reader but thats only if I can control myself from using both bottles Steve sent me. In any event I’ll set up some links and or emails so that you can order and get your own. It’s that good trust me. I damn near ate a finger off tasting this stuff.

Well that’s it for a Monday report. Get up early and go vote tomorrow. The country needs you more then ever now. Your vote matters. Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise.