Devils Night 2014

brock18…or how most refer to as my birthday. Yep the big four three today. To be honest with you I really don’t feel forty-three. Hell I don’t feel forty or thirty-five. I guess in the grand scheme of things its good I don’t feel my age. I have never particularly acted it, so I guess it only goes to show that I don’t feel it either.

Technically, I am middle aged. I can only hope to live to eighty-six years old in relative good health. ┬áSo I am middle aged, and eternally single it seems. I just don’t get out much and meet new people. As far as a mid-life crisis I either haven’t had one, or have been in one the last twenty something years. I haven’t particularly grown stale in long term relationships (although I have been lucky enough to love a handful of some great women and a couple of cunts) and needed to go out and sow my wild oats or buy Corvettes. I have always gone after the women I wanted when I wanted, and as far as toys, I bought them all. Cars, trucks, motorcycles, tools, guns, TV you name it. If I wanted it I bought it.

Sometimes I wonder what if I had done this or accepted and settled down with that? In the end I figure I am right where I want to be. Happy. Could that include someone else in the future? I have no idea and thats what I like the most. Every new day is an adventure. I do know what I won’t give up and thats “me”. I am going to be me and me is content.

When I look back on my first half of life, certainly there are things I would like to have done differently. However in the end everything I have done to get me to this point the good, bad and ugly, has made me what I am today. In the big picture I can honestly say, I am one blessed motherfucker and try very hard to live with no regrets.

My family is golden. We’re no better or worse then any other and frankly most may even consider us functioning at the middle range of disfunction. Thats all ok. In the end I can honestly say through everything we all love each other and have each others back. Its my opinion that you’re basically shit without family. I have mine and thats like winning the lotto.

Friends. You want to judge someone? Easy. Just look at their friends. I have a metric shit ton of them. Some new some old. I can honestly say, if I lined up all my friends whom I think would stand up for me and admit saying “Yes I know him and he’s my friend” I would give the Dali Lama, Mother Teresa, Hunter S. Thompson, and Bob Hope a run for their money in the friend department. I couldn’t be more blessed in this regard.

My dogs seem to love me. Dogs can pretty much sniff out a scumbag at birth. Mine seem to appreciate and love me. I am winning in this subject for sure.

My nieces are a bit young yet, but I figure I’ll buy them their first beer, kick the shit out of the first scumbag boys that try and take advantage of them and teach them how to truly craft a string of profanity that would make any sailor or longshoremen blush. I’m sure they’ll appreciate these things later in life.

I am content, happy and forty-three today. What will the next forty-three years bring me? No clue, but I am looking forward to every one of those years with wide eyed wonder and abandon. I have learned some valuable lessons to get me to where I am today, and if by some chance I get more opportunities to strike with this hard learned knowledge the world is my oyster. If not? Well I’ll sit back, jerk off to some internet porn, pet the dogs, take a nap and call up some friends for dinner or a drink. I mean what else do I have to worry about? Signing up for Obamacare?

In the mighty words of Walter Sobchak, “Fuck it Dude. Lets go bowling.”

Thanks for all the birthday wishes on Facebook, Text messages, Tweets, etc. You know who you are, and I hope you know how much each of you means to me. It’s only 10PM and I still have a chocolate strawberry cake and a hand job coming to me . ­čśŤ

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

It’s beginning to smell a lot like

Christmas.Christmas_Spirit

Its the day before Christmas Eve. It’s Sunday. It’s 8am EST. I should probably start my Christmas shopping. Didn’t I blog about this nonsense and getting an early start this year? Good intentions pave the way to hell. Well I am not officially late. Late will be if I don’t do anything today and go out shopping tomorrow. If I shop today, technically I could still achieve my resolution to begin early, but honestly why break tradition? I’ll go out tomorrow with my father whom I am certain is in the exact same position I am in. Maybe thats where I get it from? Is procrastination genetic? Is “my low level of give a fucks” passed down from father to son? Am I just some kind of holiday season retail anomaly? Why can’t the month of December take as long to get through as getting into the magical underwear of the hot Mormon girl at prom? Why god? WHY?

I am happy to report I got into the festivities this year. I realized I had in my possession a rather nice Christmas blanket with trees and wreathes and whatnot stitched into it. So I pulled it out and put it over the back of the couch. DING DING Christmas decorating and holiday spirit.

Me and awesome = +1
Broken holiday resolution = 0

DWB_BDCakeYou may remember my small video tribute to my friend Debbie in honor of her wish for a certain themed Magic Mike birthday last weekend. Well for being a good sport through it all (hey who doesn’t love dancing retards special people┬áwith boners for their birthday?) I made her a birthday cake.

Its basically a chocolate, chocolate, chocolate and to break up the chocolate, some Reese’s peanut butter cup pieces chocolate cake.

I have another good friend that works for M&M Mars, and he’s going to kick me in the balls when he see’s this post and that I besmirched his chocolate empire for supporting Hershey inc. What I go through and do for friends.

DWB_BDCake1Then my arch nemesis in the baking world “Bakerella” tries to sneak attack my birthday cake making plans and below the radar, without consulting me, the self proclaimed master, of baking and cooking amongst our small group of friends and makes the same cake for our mutual friend Debbie.

Damn you Bakeralla! Damn you to H, E, double hockey sticks! I will have my revenge! ;-P

Seriously though, its all good. Its a small testament of how lucky I am to be associated with and have the group of friends that I do. I mean its not everyday a rather masculine man would openly blog about baking birthday cakes and then take such make believe offense of having his baking spotlight stolen from him in the most treacherous of ways. Fella must have some good friends. Yeah, I do. I’m pretty blessed. Except that Bakerella chick, watch your back around that one, she’s like a Martha Stewart with a switchblade knife. LOL

Coffee’s running low, grass needs cutting, and someone needs help moving a couch. No rest for the wicked!

Let ‘er rip, tater chip!