Lance Armstrong and Neil Armstrong. Three nuts and a trip to the moon.

LanceIf you’ve been watching the news lately then I am sure you know the name Lance Armstrong.

If you have breathed oxygen in the last forty-four years then I am sure you have also heard of the name Neil Armstrong.

Neil ArmstrongBoth of these men share the same last name though not directly related to my knowledge. Both of these men also played a highly pivotal role in shaping american history. It also turns out that chances are relatively high that both men may be in fact liars.

Lance Armstrong if you’ve been under a rock was an american racing bicyclist. After losing one of his balls to testicular cancer, Lance fought back and in the most triumphant way won the worlds premier bicycle racing contest, “The Tour de France” not once but seven times. Thats more wins then any other living soul. It turns out ole’ Lance pedaled his ass to seven wins with the help of illegal performance enhancing drugs. He has subsequently been stripped of his Tour titles and banned from competitively walking across the damn street for life.

We all know who Neil Armstrong is. He was the first american astronaut to successfully fly, land, walk on and return safely from the moon. In 1969 Neil landed on the moon with his pilot buddy Edwin “Buz” Aldrin. When Neil stepped off the lunar lander he spoke the most famous words in human history. “That’s one small step for [A] man. One giant leap for mankind.” Throughout his life Neil Armstrong maintained he just came up with the famous quote after takeoff and during the actual moon landing in the lunar lander. As it turned out ole’ Neil decided not to grace the earth with his presence one more time for good last year. Neil’s brother has since come forward and proclaimed that Neil showed him the famous quote some months before the actual moon mission in a drunken game of checkers, gin rummy, Jenga or whatever other games the most elite engineering, aeronautical, flight test pilots do when getting ready to strap their asses to the most explosive, highest powered, and complex flying machine of all time headed for the moon.

So here we are, two world famous well known men. Technically speaking both lied. Look at the perception of these men today. Both overcame seemingly insurmountable odds, were the best of the best and inspired millions of people all over the world for years to achieve and overcome.

I guess you can argue one lied and made millions of dollars with the false pretense of being an athletic superhero. The other lied about a simple quotation whom never basked in the spotlight or accepted his super human hero status. A super human status he most certainly was in all respects entitled to claim.

In the end what did the lies cost? In the case of Neil it shows he was a little more down to earth human and completely aware of the significance of the milestone in history he was about to partake. It would have been nice to know and see this side of Neil in the following years after his history making space flight. He wasn’t all straight laced, icy, engineering to the minutest detail type we thought he was. Neil was human and fallible.

As for Lance, well he may be a slightly different story. He clearly lived behind the illusion of his lies and in some cases broke his legal foot off in the asses of more then one person who questioned his integrity in regards to doping. Lance is paying the price for it now too.

To me the question isn’t whether he should or shouldn’t have doped, but how he lived with the lies of doping. Here’s a little clue about doping and the Tour de France. About 80% of the competitors are doing it, so in as far as an unfair advantage and soiling of the integrity of the race, thats a mountain of bullshit only the likes of a government run department of losers would make a big deal over.

Where Lance fucked up is that he believed the lies and used them to prop himself up to sponsors and advertisers. He should have kept his mouth shut about any and all doping, walked away from all accusations and never commented publicly about anyone or thing that claimed he was a cheater. Would he have still been caught and paid the price? You betcha. However he could have laid back, threw his hands in the air without the label of worlds biggest hypocritical asshole, and just said “I cheated and lied because it built and funded the LIVE STRONG foundation for 15 years.”

People will look past a bullshitter and liar whom’s lies and bullshit was used as a means to an end for a serious problem like cancer, or world peace. You go off sticking your one nut root into Sheryl Crow and sue the ass off some team assistant and newspaper that prints a story about you cheating when you know damn well you have and you can kiss your ass away. You my friend are next in line to a tearful Oprah Winfrey interview on a failing cable channel of depressed chick garbage programming. No offense to any and all you maybe  depressed Oprah channel garbage watching ladies.

In the end lying is a selfish act that doesn’t hurt you until it hurts others. If you’re going to consciously hurt someone else with lying, then you better make damn sure you’re curing cancer or walking on the fucking moon.

Let ‘er rip tater chip!

And sometimes is seen a strange spot in the sky


…a human being that was given to fly.

We lost a good one today. Neil Armstrong decided to check out for the last time this afternoon.

Sadly his death isn’t completely  shocking to me. At the age of 81 earlier this month Dr. Armstrong underwent heart surgery. His family has indicated he succumbed to complications from the cardiovascular procedures.

Living in Florida most of my life and living in the vicinity of the Kennedy Space Center during the closing years of the Apollo and later Space Lab missions, I can tell you the significance of NASA and space exploration had on me as a young boy. Every kid wanted to be an astronaut. Mr. Rogers had Apollo astronauts on his program. Sesame Street had astronauts on the program next to Ernie and Bert. However for me it was The Six Million Dollar Man. Col. Steve Austin the NASA pilot who crashes the x-plane and gets bionics. I ate that shit up.

As a small kid I got to go to Kennedy space center in its heyday. However the biggest impact was when NASA launched Sky Lab. We live about fifteen miles south of Kennedy/Patrick AFB in those days. Shy lab was launched on one of the remaining Saturn V boosters that was intended to take an Apollo crew to the moon before the program was shut down. I may have been all of five or six years old. We were on the beach living in Satellite Beach at the time. If you never saw an actual Saturn V launch in person I doubt I can put into  words the description of the events. I can however tell you from a five or six year olds perspective that it must be something incredible because we were at the beach fifteen miles or so away and I can clearly remember the surf was very calm that day. When the rocket took off, there was literally ripples in the Atlantic ocean as far as a six year old could see from the vibration of the launch. That day has stuck with me all my life. Neil Armstrong rode in one of those machines. What a lucky SOB. What balls that man must have had.

In honor of Neil’s death and the passing of a truly great American, I made my special Stuffed Bread for dinner. Check it below.


This is a recipe that I have been working on for about a year. Think a loaf of bread with the  ham and swiss cheese built in. Astronauts in the early days had to eat a lot of compact and freeze dried food. This is essentially a ham and swiss cheese sandwich loaf of bread right down to the mustard. Its all baked together. The bread is a simple cross between a stromboli and italian bread dough. I may have boosted the base recipe for the dough from King Arthurs cook book a couple years ago. You can pretty much do anything with it. I figured what the hell, why make a loaf of bread to make a sandwich when I can make it all at the same time. Im hardly the inventor of this as I have noted some similar recipes for this around the internet.

Simple really. Make the dough, let rise. Roll it out and spread on mustard, ham, and swiss cheese. Roll up, form into a loaf like shape, pinch edges of dough closed and let rise again. Bake 375 degrees for 35 minutes. Cool, slice then stuff face.

This is not on par with strapping ones ass to 7.5 million pounds of thrust heading to the moon, but I am proud of this none the less. Without Neil Armstrong and the early NASA astronauts fueling an entire generation of kids like myself to build and explore who knows, tonight I could have been blogging about opening up a can of beans and discussing the fart capacity between Campbell’s and Bush’s.

If theres interest in the recipe, make a note in the comments and I’ll post a print friendly version for you.

So long and happy journey Neil Armstrong. Buzz wont be bitching about you going first on this one.