Happy Fat Tuesday. Flash your boobs and get some beads, give up sweets for Lent and say goodbye to the Pope.
In an unexpected move although not unprecedented the Pope turned in his resignation papers and his pension payment options to Jesus yesterday. When you’re the Pope thats the next in command right? Jesus? I mean when you’re the Pope who do you tell you’re quitting and hauling ass? Not some clerk down in the Vatican personnel office right?
Yes, yesterday the Pope got up, scratched his ass and said, “You know what? Fuck this. I am out.”
You’re the Pope for goodness sake. You don’t just up and quit. Strength? What kind of strength does a Pope need? You have choir boys, Cardinals, Bishops, and a couple billion other church members jerking you off all day. You get up say your omnis dominus and you go down and watch the nuns play volley ball all day. How hard can it be?
What are you going to do? The church will find some other old crusty Cardinal to take his place. Some old idiot denouncing safe and accepted birth control and that somehow Jesus/God would rather man and woman screw each other and pass along Aids wiping out the human race then use a simple condom. Bingo, Gambling and drinking is ok though some come on down to Family Church night!
It’s Fat Tuesday today. Most of us are working, but try and enjoy your day. Eat good food, have a drink be merry. Wednesday is Lent. Give something up for 40 days. Candy, sweets, cursing, gambling, jerking off three times a day, giving the girl the old Dutch Rudder. Yea right. What kind of life would that be? Ok ok I suppose I can cut back on cursing. Wait……..you hear that? It was like the cries of a million people on the planet of Aldaran being extinguished by the rays from the Death Star. Somewhere in the force, Obi Wan just shit his pants. No cursing for forty days? Even the Pope had his limits!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? Pop rock male artist of the year? Seriously? I know the AMA’s are bullshit and can barely suck the sweaty piss flaps of the likes of Rolling Stone magazine. I would have referenced a nice ball sack for Rolling Stone magazine but they don’t know anything about having a sack much less balls for the last 30 years.
“This is for all you haters.”
I am sorry for my foul language this morning, but as the Dude, Jeffery Lebowski would say, “this aggression on simple musical taste wont stand, man!”
What the holy shit has happened to us as a country, a nation, a world power? Where has our greatness gone? I caught this little blurb of a shithead accepting his award for male pop and rock artist of the year and between wanting to cry, vomit, and then slit my own goddamn throat, it dawned on me, this little shithead is exactly what went wrong. Well him and about a bakers dozen other little shitheads and twats that somehow gained popularity through the failed and homogenized corporate musical machine we swim through in our daily lives.
Where is a drunkin Nikki Sixx and bombed Ozzy rushing that stage knocking the mic out of that pussies hand and then squatting down shitting on him right for live TV?
Where is Zack de la Rocha climbing a stage curtain, lighting, then burning that shit show to the ground in protest of that ass zit of a kid accepting his rock male artist of the year on behalf of his “haters”?
Where was the camera when Scott Weiland and Lemmy from Motorhead were tag teaming this little twerps mother backstage and making her air tight? Oh wait that was in my dreams. Sorry.
This is such bullshit on a colossal level I almost can’t breathe. How does this happen? How do we break out of this horrible dream? This has to be some kind of bizarro world dream. This can’t be real. Its all a horrible horrible dream. I mean this kind of shit and the people that buy into it, would become a nation of pantload sissified gentry that would elect some cockamamie half bastard communist for a president. TWICE! Tell me its a dream. Please for Christ’s sake wake me up from this nightmare.
Anyone that knows me, knows I have a pretty diversified taste in music. Anyone that puts in the time and effort and truly creates musical art is deserving of all the riches and their just due as anyone else. This Bieber music and I use that term very loosely, is simply not music.
Bieber is essentially the cute and charismatic offspring of basically a teenaged slut, who had nothing in life more remarkable then a laptop with a Youtube account. Cute and charismatic kid, cheap webcam, silly haircut, youtube and its welcome to paradise. He’s bigger then the goddamn Beatles without one single iota of an ounce of talent. You think this little shithead is going to sit down at the piano then write and compose the next Hey Jude? Sgt. Peppers? This hump wont bust out the next “I think were alone now” ala 1987 Tiffany.
Knowing all this, who in the hell is listening to him? Obviously a heck of a lot of people. Well I have one thing to say to each and every one of you. Fuck You! You bought into this sham of entertainment and you created a monster in the industry that we’ll never get away from now. This turd realistically should be working birthday parties out of the back of his mothers broken down Celica while she blows frat boys for gas money. Instead he’s getting male pop/rock artist of the year and twenty million twitter followers because you sheep will follow a hand grenade off a cliff in hopes of a blue tomorrow.
Not me! I’ll sit here and bitch for something better. I’ll put out a good word for local music. The guys and girls working in shitty bars, busting ass, sleeping in vans. A chick sleeping in her car with her dog and guitar writing her own music, selling bootleg cassette tapes and teeshirts for her next meal. Those are the deserving artists that should be getting our support. Not these other losers picked from obscurity on the internet, thrown in front of a mic and AUTOTUNED to some corporate garbage Pepsi, Coke, Budweiser, or Ticketmaster thinks you want to listen to.
Oh, and you bastards listening to Flo-Rida, Chris Brown, Lady Gaga, Katy Perry arent innocent in any of this either. There is plenty of stink to go around and you’re all covered in it!