The Times are Changing

dylanShits about to get real my friends.

I am sorry my updates have been slowing down the last couple of months. Sometimes life gets to a certain speed and things become reorganized in a way that prevents us from following up in a timely manner. I make no excuses for the things I can change, I’ll just march forward.

I have a shit ton on my mind this morning. I will warn you now, I have a gut feeling this update is going into the TLDR stratosphere. I’ll try and organize my thoughts in a way that you Monday to Friday nine to fiver types may be able to break out bits and pieces and enjoy my awesomeness all week. If you can’t get a good laugh, a “fuck yeah” or a tear out of this then my mojo is severely lacking.

Might as well attack the first thing on my mind. This government shut down.

I personally don’t give a shit about the shut down. What I find interesting is how our mainstream media reports about it and the general idiocy of the population of this country. The blame game going back and forth is laughable. Republicans this Democrats that.

There is good and bad on both sides of the political aisle. There is equal blame to be placed on both republicans and democrats. This isn’t a new development. This has been true for more years then any of us reading this have been alive. The real problem we have as a country is the shit bird we elected into the White House. I am sorry folks he’s the President and our Commander in Chief and rightfully I should show a hell of a lot more respect for the office then referring to him as a shit bird but I simply can not. Not as an American. Not as a Marine Corps veteran, not as a patriot and certainly not as a simple law abiding (most of the time anyway) tax paying citizen.

President Obama (and I use the term loosely) was elected to office on the promise of reforming medical care insurance and coverage to people of all walks of life. A nice idea in principal but none the less we ended up with the Affordable Care Act. Obamacare for short. Its essentially an abortion of a law/bill. It doesn’t fix the problems with healthcare costs or insurance but merely places (mandates) more risk onto the insurance carriers and the free market healthcare industry. Anyway its a shitty bill and law. Does anyone here remember the “we have to pass the bill to find out whats in it.” Yes that ought to give you an idea of the capacity of our elected representatives that should be looking out for our interests.

Anyway in a nutshell Obamacare through smoke and mirrors and a heavy dose of “party” bullshit gives the illusion that healthcare is affordable and cheap and now everyone can be covered. If you have half a brain and have done the least bit of research into this subject furthermore you are capable of balancing your checkbook, then you know Obamacare is a pack of fucking lies. Someone HAS to pay for the additional coverage. Someone now has to pay for all the people with existing health related problems the insurance companies have to by law cover. Obamacare does NOT work. Its not fiscally sustainable. President Obama going on five years of holding the highest office in the land can not and has not put together a fiscal budget to run this country yet wants us to believe that Obamacare will somehow magically work?! Come on, say it with me folks. “What the Motherfuck?”

During President Obama’s first term when the bill was signed into law, many states tried to fight it. The bill went to the supreme court. None the less parts of the bill were deemed legal, and we found ourselves stuck with it legally for the time being anyway.

Now we’re in the middle of its implementation. The only option left to our representatives to try and save ourselves from this abomination of a healthcare law is to deal with its actual funding. The idea is if we can’t repeal the horrible law, then we can simply not fund the law. It would theoretically go nowhere. Money makes the word go around.

Our congress which by our very own CONSTITUTION is in place to dictate via a vote of our elected representatives, what we (United States Government because WE are the Government) can spend money on. In a last ditch effort congress decided NOT to fund Obamacare. We expect our congress to do this. Our constitution mandates that congress decides where our money goes. Well our congress voted not to fund Obamacare. Our congress also voted not to fund any other government activity until some of the more detrimental to our economy and freedom portions of Obamacare are repealed and or modified. The only problem is our President whom we elected to lead our nation of both democrats and republicans will NOT in any way sit down and listen and or adjust his very personal but equally bad healthcare law to something more economically feasible and sustainable for future generations.

Here is what the media who loves Obama does not tell you. Our congress has decided and voted affirmatively to fund all the other important parts of the government with the exception of Obamacare and keep things moving. Mr Harry Reid in the Senate will not bring to a vote to ratify any of the congressional votes/bills to keep the government running while the Obamacare law gets no funding. He wants an everything or nothing type of deal from congress. Mr. Harry Reid is a democrat long on the dick of Mr. Obama for all you keeping score at home.

You’re probably now thinking “Brock what exactly is the Presidents place in all this, why the unadulterated hatred and disdain?” I’ll tell you. A President can be either a democrat or republican but once you get to office your job as President is to represent all of us. This one does NOT.

The President refuses to sit down with congress and adjust Obamcare. He will not even talk about its adjustment or modification. Its his baby and in his warped mind his legacy. President Obama thinks if he sits with congress and adjusts portions of it to more suitably do what its supposed to do, it will as a bad and horrible law, go away and in the end Mr. Obama is nothing. That part remains to be seen but that is what this egomaniac thinks in his head.

But wait there is more!

Now that the government is shut down and at a standstill President Obama in his lack to admit to his fallibility and that his healthcare law is severely flawed, wants to somehow place the blame on the republicans and congress for the shut down. Remember kids our Constitution mandates our congress decides where our money goes. Remember kids our congress voted and came up with plans to fund all other important parts of our government while we fix Obamacare. Can you guess who says “no” and keeps things as they are?

But wait there is even more!

To try and sway the idiocy of the population of this country even more (the dumb ones are generally supporters of President Obama) President Obama has chosen to use the government shut down to place MORE and undue strain on the american people. President Obama wants to hurt the american people with the shut down (needlessly mind you) to try and place more stress on congress and the republicans and get them to concede to his horrible healthcare law as is. The law simply does not work as written. A child with an eighth grade education in simple economics can tell you this.

Since the government shut down, national parks, monuments, and memorials all around the country do not have the staff or infrastructure to run. (duh government employees) However some of these parks, monuments, and memorials have no (ZERO) personnel to run them anyway and should be open to the public. More importantly have remained open to the pubic in the past during similar shut downs. This time to place more pressure on you and me the american people, President Obama has ordered the barricade and shut down of important memorials such as the World War II memorial in Washington. The Lincoln Memorial, The MARINE CORPS Memorial, The Vietnam Wall the list goes on. The most important thing to understand is these memorials didn’t in the past have any real personnel to run. They are outdoor monuments and memorials.

These memorials and monuments belong to you and me. For Christ sakes private citizens are taking over the grounds maintenance with their own lawnmowers!  They have never been shut down in the past. But to somehow inflict more pain on you and me and get us to somehow mistake and place the blame on our congress for this shut down Obama has barricaded the memorials and monuments away from mostly veterans who fought and served this country.  All this over a fucking horrible healthcare law he refuses to sit down and try and adjust and fix. Obama is having 90 year old world war two veterans arrested who chose to ignore his asinine barricades and enter the monuments and memorials. Did you just fucking read what I wrote? Please for the love of Christ, read this paragraph three times!

Well this weekend some veterans showed up to Washington and they had a message for President Obama.Barrycades

Take your barricades and GO FUCK YOURSELF!

What do I think about the shut down? Let it stay shut the hell down. Don’t let the mainstream media fool you into thinking this mess isn’t the President’s fault. He does not represent all of us. He is not a leader, and frankly he is an embarrassment to this nation to which the likes of William Taft and Jimmy Carter can sit back and say “Jesus this guy truly is a world class asshole!”

All this because President Obama refuses to sit down and talk about his baby, the AHA. Remember kids the man claims his Obamacare is so perfect and deserves not even the slightest of review that he is willing to arrest 90 year old veterans who fought and gave parts of their bodies for this country and freedom. Remember the same program that had three and a half years and $600+ million dollars to set up the online exchanges that in two weeks have yet to be able to sign up people for the fucking insurance that is being mandated upon us.

“Well Brock, so many people believe in Obamacare and are trying to sign up they are overloading the system.” BULL FUCKING SHIT. Do NOT let the mainstream media or the Obama administration trick you into believing this load of crap.

Yes the system is being overloaded. Not because we believe and want it. Its because Obama made it the goddamn LAW! Most of us even in our disdain for Obama are law abiding citizens. Of course we are going to sign up. He made it law. Yet in three and a half years and spending over $600 million dollars to put a system in place this administration couldn’t make a system to support the load it would be under starting on day one? Are you kidding me? When was the last time Google, Amazon, Netflix, Facebook, Yahoo, Microsoft, came out with a product that after two weeks still couldn’t do its most basic and fundamental task? Yet we should all think Obamacare deserves no scrutiny!? President Obama can’t even sign us up into his fucking system, yet somehow magically it will not bankrupt the nation into oblivion.

Sorry folks, I’ll be the first person to say I generally hate all politicians since they’re all scumbags, but this is not a congress or a republican problem or their fault. This is a last ditch effort to save us from the abyss of fiscal insanity and erosions of simple personal freedoms. What we are lacking as a nation is a true leader who has all of our interests at heart.

How hard is it to see the emperors real clothes when he sends coffee and port a potties to occupy wall street, but arrests 90 year old war veterans outside memorials and monuments erected to the very freedoms this scumbag has never in his life worked for nor earned? Not by birthright, not by action, and certainly not be deed.

We have come a long way, and times are a changing thats for sure. Which side will you come down on? Me? I try and rely on no one but when it comes time and time will come, I’ll do what needs to be done for me, my family, and friends. I will not surrender to this bullshit and allow those to take from me that of which I have earned. Not my money, not my freedom.

We’re mid way through October. My month, the awesome month. The weather is breaking so part of me thinks about firing up the oven and cake. I like cake. I like pie too. Then part of me thinks, eh. I don’t know what I am in the mood for. Everything looks nice nothing looks nice. Except a nice meatball sub. Nothing in the world is as nice as a good meatball sub except maybe the Indy 500.

I do not usually pass out candy on Halloween. I mean I have tried in the past to show some spirit. I love Halloween and the holiday. I have bought the candy with intentions to pass it out. I usually end up eating 3/4 of the shit myself. I know I am going to do it when I buy the candy too. Yet I still go through the motions. I buy one of the big bags of candy, eat most of the contents leading up to Halloween with the rationalization I’ll just buy more. I never buy more. I get to Halloween look and see that I only have a small amount left and figure to myself no sense in passing this little bit out. I just turn out lights, not answer the door and keep the last bit for myself. A viscous cycle that repeats itself year after year. See I have no kids to whore out and pull in my own pillow case of sugary goodness. My eternal bachelorhood and freedom to do what I want when I want and all the toys that go along with that lifestyle does have some draw backs.

Mostly I love Halloween for the parties. My birthday is October 30th (shameless plug mark your calendars) Devils night. When I tell people this, usually its a look and response like “yeah no shit, it all makes sense now.” Anyway, my birthday and then Halloween how can one go wrong with that? Generally over the years I have combined the celebrations together. There’s a few of us all with birthdays within a week of each other so more times then not we combine the parties into one night somewhere between all of us getting together and its nice. What I like most about Halloween however is now that I have some young nieces to see and enjoy the wickedness and teach to egg houses and light bags of dog shit on fire. I also enjoy the adult component of Halloween. What I have learned in life is that for the most part adult Halloween is women dressing like sluts.

Its the one day of the year that its perfectly ok for girls to dress rather provocatively. Now most of the women reading this right now are rolling their eyes in their head thinking “Brock doesn’t know shit.” No its true there are a few things I am a master at, and sexy sluts are one of them. You can try and convince yourself otherwise but I KNOW. Going to go as Sookie Stackhouse? mmmm hmmm. Or maybe little Bo Peep and her Sheep from the childhood nursery rhyme? Sure but in my Bo Peep or Little Red Ridinghoods in childhood neither of those ladies were skipping down the lane in sexy as hell thigh high stockings with the seam on the back and fuck me pumps. And all you ladies that have done this look I thank you and love you so goddamn much.

This year I want to see cowboy boots, shorts, and titties. I am on a country kick.  Pretend you’re Taylor Swift, or Daisy Duke I don’t care. Now that I think about it and if I am going to be truthful this has nothing to do with Halloween and I’d call this a Friday night. However if you need an excuse to dress up a little outside of your comfort zone and have the stems to pull it off, know that Halloween is there for you. I am there for you! I know slutty and Halloween is here for you.

These are the things on my brain this Monday morning. I should probably close this up before I cross the line of unmanageably too long and fuck this I am not reading that manifesto garbage.

Let ‘er rip tater chips.

Shelter From the Storm

Dragline on CouchSuddenly I turned around and she was standing there
With silver bracelets on her wrists and flowers in her hair
She walked up to me so gracefully and took my crown of thorns
“Come in” she said
“I’ll give you shelter from the storm” -Bob Dylan

It’s another Wednesday and by now we’ve all probably have succumbed to the notion that the weekend has left us and we’re faced with another mid-week of skullduggery in the work place.

Nothing new or much to report. I pretty much have been getting used to two dogs in the house these last two weeks. It’s been smooth sailing so far without even the first problem with two male dogs in the house. Both play, get along, and tolerate each other well. I was rather nervous at first, but those apprehensions weren’t founded.

Don’t take my guns! Wait. What? Fifteen year old girls can buy Plan B contraception over the counter without parental guidance or prescription? HOLD THE F’ing TRAIN! Stop the presses. This ladies and gentleman is the height of republican hypocrisy.

Heres the bottom line folks. If you do not want your underage daughters to be able to run into a drug store and buy over the counter contraception without a prescription, then very simply…..don’t raise them to be sluts. Be a parent, teach them values, morals and to have respect for themselves. Teach them the values of sex, love and trust and how each is required with a good dose of maturity to navigate the world of having sex and making love. Do all those things and you wont have to worry about them running into CVS to buy Plan B because she snuck out her window and banged Hector the lawn maintenance guy on the air conditioning compressor in the back of the house.

You want your guns and assault rifles left alone, and you claim as long as we’re all law abiding their existence and availability is ok. Then same goes for Plan B being sold over the counter to those young ladies who may need it. You should have nothing to worry about you’re raising your daughters with morals and trust, this doesn’t affect you so don’t think you can assert your will and opinions on others just like you don’t want someone telling you that you don’t need an AK-47 or AR-15 assault rifle.

Now for me, I want my assault rifles, high capacity magazines and all the Plan B I can get my hands on. Why? Simple. Generally the majority of our population is lazy and you’re raising thieves and sluts. I need the weapons to protect myself and property from your sons and the Plan B to screw your daughters.

Semper Fi do or die,
Let ‘er rip tater chip

Having Trouble With My Direction

MyrtleManorUpside-down, psychotic reaction. -The Cult

Another Monday passed us and another week ahead.

I think I have found my dream calling. I may finally have seen the “tap dancing Jesus H. Christ” light. I know what I want to be when I grow up.

I want to be a trailer park landlord. In Myrtle Beach, South Carolina.

Not a fancy new trailer park with new modular homes. I am talking single wides on wheels. Maybe a couple half assed run down Air Stream silver bullets and other tear drop like gypsy wagons. As Brad Pitt in the movie Snatch called ’em “Caravans” periwinkle blue ones even. A couple pink flamingos, and other Kitschy ornaments and I am all set.

See I always said, I was going to retire into a nice motor home and spend my last years traveling the country and tramp around. I am talking a nice diesel pusher with pop outs and full amenities. I would sell everything I had, cash out and hit the road. What better way to retire? I am not paying taxes, moving around the country in my RV and Harley. North in the summer, south in the winter. Im not stuck banging a bunch old lonely women in nursing homes with Viagra and STDs. I’m out in the world free. RV campsite to campsite. Meeting fellow travelers living on the road. Yellowstone, Devils Tower, Alaska, Grand Canyon, Yosemite Park.

Then I started watching Welcome to Myrtle Manor on the TLC channel. It’s about a trailer park in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina. Its everything I dream about in an old tourist trap RV/Trailer park in a vacation spot. Low rent, baby momma drama, pink flamingos, Kitsch, Art Deco and Bungalow styles all mixed in to one.

Its so tacky but at the same time fun in a highly manipulative way. I could thrive and take over in there like Lex Luther at a sheriff’s youth ranch for first time offenders. I could be the KING OF RANCHO CUCAMONGA! I am the only one paying CASH!

Look at this list of characters:

  • A couple of sluts selling hotdogs on the beach for rent money.
  • A slut and a night club promoter who are fighting jealousy issues.
  • A token trailer park security guard with an IQ of about 68
  • A drunk mother of the night club promoter son above
  • A drifter maintenance kid who cant change a light bulb
  • A gay man and rather ugly woman running a beauty salon / hair dressers trailer for the tenants.
  • A Park Manager who’s father put her in charge of the trailer park trying to get the back rent from deadbeats.

I can’t stop watching! Its worse then a bad car accident with blood and guts all over the road. I have to look and see. Whats really bad? I have fantasies of running and living in a place just like this. How I would be making money hand over fist, a dozen sexual harassment lawsuits, more kids with different mothers to make that kooky Duggar family with 50 kids and a clown car vagina look like the Walton’s.

I cant get enough of it. There are above ground pools, putt putt golf, tattoos, dyed hair and fake boobs in bikinis. Its like some TV producer looked inside my head and opened up the twisted scumbag file and made a tv show about it.

I am transfixed. I am baffled. I am like a small retarded kid looking at all the blinking Christmas lights before shitting myself. You know that moment in your life when something clicks in your mind and everything makes sense. Happiness rolls through your body, and your mind is telling you what words to put together and scream at the top of your lungs and all that comes out is rather out of character killing a cat sounding screams and spitting and even though you hear it and your mind goes “what the fuck was that noise you just made” but you don’t care and continue on. Yea thats me. Well sort of. Ok not really. Well a little bit. Sorry. Not sorry.

I love this shit.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

This one time at band camp…

CampI never went to band camp. I did however in my youth go to a camp / ranch type thing for a week and its where I first learned to ride a horse. I don’t remember the name of the camp but its about 50-75 miles from here in another county. It was a Christian type youth thing with an emphasis on hunting, fishing, ranching, etc.

If I had to guess, I was probably 12-13 years old at the most. The place was run by this paraplegic old man in a motorized wheel chair. The lake had what amounted to a broken down helicopter on a small barge. There were ski ropes tied to the ends of the helicopter blade turned steel pole boom. The crippled old man would wheel his chair down to the edge of the lake, flop out of his wheel chair and then swim to the barge, crawl up, scoot to a chair on the side of the contraption, fire up the motor and work the spinning boom and ski ropes for us kids. We’d swim out one or two at a time, grab the ski rope handle and the old man would spin us around in the lake flinging flailing kids in all directions. It was a good time, and it was the first time I got to see some real pubescent vagina and think to myself, “hey that looks good, I want to get all up in that”.

Of course prior to that time, I had as a young man seen real life vagina before. The first time was Penny in kindergarten class flashing all the kids her junk during nap time. It was ok but at that time in my life I was more interested in talking about that weeks episode of Six Million Dollar Man or Baa Baa Black Sheep and drawing fighter jets, then some 5-6 year olds gash. Girls were still weird that smelled like strawberries and pee.

No, it wasn’t until I was away at camp and some old crippled man flung a cute blond 15 year old girl in a bikini with his chevy v-8 engine, helicopter blade, ski rope, child flinging lake blender who subsequently lost her bikini bottom that I knew I was going to like girls a hell of a lot. It also turns out I probably went to a camp as a kid that was run by a bible thumping crippled pedophile dirty old man, but thats a story I rather not think about.

You would think I would remember the girls name who had the magical vagina I spied that day at camp, but I can not. I can tell you what my horses name was that I rode and took care of all week. Chiquita! Chiquita was about 125 years old and had three hooves into the  Elmers glue factory and Old Roy dog food plant. How that horse remained alive so long I’ll never know. The blond magical vagina girl however rode a black stallion pony that could run like lightning. Man when she wasnt losing her bikini bottoms in the lake at the hands of the old pervert ski rope cripple man and wowing me with her awesome va-jay-jay she could ride the hell out of a horse. Had I been a little more older and wiser I would have put all this together faster and chased that young lady down more then I did that year at camp, but alas I am my fathers son and never been good at taking hints or putting the obvious together when it comes to women.

You’re probably wondering whats the point to all this and wheres the story going. I honestly don’t know that there is a point or why I am relating this story in as much as its simply a coming of age tale that has ultimately shaped my attraction in an ironic and slightly deviant way to the opposite sex. I really never found myself in later years getting involved with equestrian type bikini women with rather easy morals and the propensity for public display of ones sexual parts. No sir, I had to complicate things and look for rather conservative refined women with that ever elusive glint in the eyes that said, “after this rather boring intellectual movie we’re going home and I am going to redecorate the inside of your head with the level of slut I am going to bring to you tonight”.

I have gotten close to finding that girl a couple times in life. Its always the same thing, one or the other never everything in equal parts. All intellectual no slut. All slut, no intellectual. Conservative and equal parts slut, with a horrible side of pathological liar. A tall order in woman, yes but I know what I like and gravitate to. Why fool myself or someone else? I will admit thought in these days of my advanced age and the winding down of my biological clock, I have retooled and slightly modified my list of desirable traits in an ultimate woman. I wanted conservative, great sense of humor, loyal, honest, slutty (with me) type woman, now I have made compromises and realize no one is perfect. Now, I’ll settle for a sexy horse riding chick with a great vagina who will lie to me that I am the best and can tell an great fart joke. Back to basics and simple is as simple does I say!

Let er’ rip, tater chip!