Can you say TGIF on Good Friday?

JesusI was wondering what I was going to title this post today and since its Friday I automatically started down the TGIF something and something train of thought. It occurred to me I have probably used the TGIF moniker in a previous Friday post and I certainly don’t want to be repetitive if I can at all help it or care enough to remember.

Then I immediately remember today is Good Friday, or in the heathen parlance of our time the day those dirty dirty Jews (I love Jews don’t start the hate mail) bullshitted Pontius Pilate into killing Jesus. Why today is really called Good Friday I can’t say. In my minds eye, if I was having dinner with Jesus and we were talking about his crucifixion he would be all laid back chilling out, zapping his can of Red Bull into Jager Bombs, and recollect “man it might have been a Good Friday for all you sinners, but damn, it was a shitty day for me.”

Anyway back on target, I’m thinking can you really say Thank God its Friday, on the Friday God gave his only son to die for the rest of us? It would be like saying “Hey God, thanks for the day of beating the shit out of your kid and then nailing his ass to a couple of Glu-lam beams from down at the lumber yard for the sake of all the rest of us bastard and bitch sinners.

See these are the kinds of things I think about when trying to decide catchy new post titles for this blog.

Except my mind doesn’t just stop there. It continues on down the path of twisted, redonkulousness.

Like this:

I am imagining me and Jesus hanging out, he’s turning the Red Bull into Jager Bombs, we’re getting tipsy, talking about how Good Friday was not so good for him. I ask what his father (God) thinks about us lowly sinners busting out a TGIF on Good Friday and the scenario in my head plays out, that Gods voice booms in the distance somewhat like the Wizard of Oz, Yoda, or some other dark Sith Lord

God: Brock there is another.nadiag
Me: Another what? Another Jesus?
God: There is another.
Me: Leia?!
God: No dummy Nadia G.!

Then everything makes sense in the world. Nadia G from Bitchin Kitchen is the daughter of god. Then Jesus, sipping his Gin and Juice, (he gave up the Jager Bombs) looks over at me and by now you can tell he’s faded. “Hold on brother theres more.”

God: Brock instead of letting the dirty dirty Jews kill another one of my kids, you have to marry her and be her husband to save the sinners of the world again.
Me: Um yeah ok no problem God, but where is the great sacrifice? Hell I’d marry her just to see where she does her laundry.
God: She has no vagina.

Then instead of worrying about what the hell I am going to title this little blog post, I spend the rest of the day wondering, would I sacrifice to save all the worlds sinners again?

Nah just kidding. I only spent about five minutes wondering if I married Nadia G. my TV and internet crush who doesn’t have a vagina to save the rest of the world from sin. I would still marry her. Of course I would. To save the world? You’re darn right I would, Jesus looked over at me and said, “Don’t worry man she still has a mouth, and butt, the old man may be cruel with the life lessons but he’s not impossible.”

So happy Good Friday and Easter. Know that I truly love God, Jesus, the Jews, and Nadia G. The rest of you are pretty ok too.

Let ‘er rip, tater chips!

Alive in the Superunknown

If this doesn’t make you free Friday
It doesn’t mean you’re tied
If this doesn’t take you down
It doesn’t mean you’re high
If this doesn’t make you smile
You don’t have to cry
If this isn’t making sense
It doesn’t make it lies

Another TGIF, and here’s to hoping its a quick and easy day for all of us.

As I sit here writing this quick post, drinking my coffee, the news is on in the background about some pissed off cop out in California who’s cheese has slipped off his cracker and killing fellow cops. Seems this guy thinks he was unfairly treated and then terminated by the police department where he used to work. After a rather lengthy and rambling manifesto, killing three officers, he’s now on the run with the entire law enforcement community looking for him.

Other then feeling bad about innocent people having to needlessly die, the only thing I can think about in all of this is the following:

Excuse me brother, what we call drugs at the 74th Street Baptist Church we call the sin of sin sins.

Well round here, between Normandie and Western, we call this here a little twenty twen twen

Ok all joking aside. I hope the authorities catch the guy before he kills someone else. However there is a part of me that wants the guy to succeed and go on killing cops at will. The make-believe not in the real world part of my silly fantasies part of me of course. Why? Easy. In a sick twisted way this Chris Dorner guy is the underdog fighting “The Man” whom he has perceived has done him wrong. Remember I only think this in my wildest, deepest make-believe fantasies, I dont condone killing cops or anyone else for no good reason, although Mr. Dorner seems to think he has good reason, clearly he’s not well.

In a weird way, I think if you’re going to go bat shit crazy and create havoc in the world then go for it but clearly and carefully choose the target of your wrath and stay committed to your cause. In this case Dorner has a beef with the police/cops and he has chosen to target those people so far and only those people.

In a way, I think if everyone who went on crazy killing sprees did this, it would better illustrate their points and secondly it keeps those they target and go after more responsible and accountable.

Let me explain further. Everyone hates the IRS. Some hate the IRS so much they get to a point, and pick up a gun or knife and go killing innocent non-IRS people. All this does is confirm you lost your damn mind and killed innocent people. You are on the news five minutes, caught, on court tv, thrown in prison for life or executed and then forgotten forever. You’re not even a footnote in history.

Now if every IRS hating person who chose to go crazy, only went after IRS people in their murderous rampage, then what happens? People start to think, “Why the hell are all these IRS people getting killed by these crazy people?” People start looking into the IRS and the IRS starts looking at itself trying to figure how or what they are doing wrong that people are targeting them. Things at the IRS change. See how that works? See how that works in my own admittedly twisted logic?

In my overly simplified example above you can replace IRS for, Abortion Doctors, Child molesters, Congress, Senators, Walmart anything under the sun really. If you’re going to go crazy and kill people, dont kill innocent people who in no way are connected to your rage. Kill the people or members of the organization that wronged you.

Oh and leave a rambling manifesto too. Those really help to squash any media bias and ratings mongering speculation. You kill twenty catholic priests, and in the end flash your gun at the police so they have to shoot you, the news reports, “obviously this individual was a deranged person who held no value on the lives of innocent people”. You leave a manifesto that explains for years as a small boy you were repeatedly molested as a child by a half dozen priests who never had to face any consequences and were just hidden and moved to new parishes by the Pope or Bishops, its hard to spin or deny the fact that “well the guy may have a small beef with the church.”

So what have we learned here kids? If you’re going to lose you damn mind and kill people:

  1. Figure out who you’re mad at and target those people only.
  2. Leave a long rambling missive about why you’re pissed, who you hate, and also that you love Justin Bieber and Tim Tebow.
  3. Don’t get caught, or if you do, don’t surrender. Kill yourself or point your gun/weapon at the police and let them kill you.

Or you could just not be a freaking lunatic, lose your self control and hurt/kill innocent people. Of course I wont have any fodder for my fantasy world underdog of bad taking a bite out of good, or good taking a bit out of bad depending on who’s getting the killing, but thats ok, there always my go to fall back of midget and stump porn.

Let ‘er rip, tater chip!

I paint a picture of the days gone by…

When love went blind and you would make me see
I’d stare a lifetime into your eyes
So that I knew that you were there for me
Time after time you there for me

The year was 1989 and Skid Row was exploiting the popular trend at the time of the heavy metal power ballad. Its a toe tapper. Now I feel dirty.

I must hurry and change the subject to more manly items.

My niece and my brothers dog Spook.


She’s almost two and thats my brothers pit bull hanging from his rope. There is a small knot he bites and hangs there. The dogs half retarded and has breath that smells likes ass but he’s a good dog, and has never been aggressive towards Charlotte. Charlotte isn’t afraid of him and they play and tolerate each other. Being reasonable dog owners my brother isn’t very far when the two are together, but in any event, this is proof breed has nothing to do with the perceived notion of dog aggression. How you raise a dog and your pet responsibility holds all the cards to how your animal will behave around people.

Something else comes to mind and seems to work the same way. Guns. Imagine that. We can pass and or overturn breed specific dog laws and ordinances, but somehow we think if we eliminate certain assault weapons then we’ll magically be safe. Anyone see the irony in this?

Ugh, people are stupid, particularly the ones working in Washington DC.

People for years have asked me about computers, help them with computers, ask what computers to buy. I make no bones that for many years I have made a decent living making Windows based Microsoft products work. I don’t look that good fortune in the gift horse mouth. However anyone that has asked me in the last five or six years what computers to get I answer in the following way.

If money is an issue and you don’t care about shit software, constant vigil over virus protection, and operating system upgrade or patch up, then go with Microsoft Windows. You have some extra money, and want something that just works and is not a pain in the ass go spend your money on Apple.


Six years ago, I got rid of every single Microsoft product in my house and I haven’t looked back. Today I have continued that trend and upgraded my 2007 MacBook with a brand new model MacBook Pro. I have some work projects coming up and worked a deal with the ol’ employer. I am as happy with this new laptop as I was with the first one six years ago. You pay a premium for Apple products, but there is a reason. Its not junk. Fit and finish, function of the operating system and it blows Windows shit out of the water.

I’ll continue to earn a living making Microsoft products work. When I come home and want to use a computer though, Its going to be an Apple product. Call me a fan boy, I don’t care. Show me what you can do with your Windows product and I’ll show you I can do it better faster and easier with Apple. At twice the price, but I sleep at night knowing when I use my Apple products they will work without aggravation.

So all of you I have steered towards Apple products, I just want you know, I practice what I preach.

Today is TGIF. Its also pork tenderloin with apricot mustard sauce dinner day. I’ll snap a few pictures if it turns out ok and post it in the recipe section. Pork is pretty lean and I’ll throw in some squash and zucchini to health it up a bit.

Let ‘er rip, tater chip!

Back in Black Friday

I keep lookin’ at the sky
’cause its getting me high 

By now we should have made it through another Thanksgiving meal and for those that chose to attempt it, the day after shopping on this Black Friday.

In the end I made up some sides and brought them to my folks to eat this year. Yeast rolls as you can see was one of the few things I made. They came out pretty good and I was surprised how easy they are to make. I also made some cranberry sauce and cornbread dressing. Between this and what my folks made we ate pretty damn good and gluttonous yesterday. I’ll put them all in the recipe section later. I am in the process of reformatting all the recipes into a standardized format thats easily printable so you guys can take them with you.

I didn’t bother with shopping today. Not that I ever would. Saw a few reports on TV of the idiots around the country looking for a deal. The mad rush and push to get a cheap flat panel tv or a video game in this country is beyond sad. I am all for getting a deal and times are tough on people, but its stupid to think the only time you can score these deals is the day after or more accurately this year, at nine pm on Thanksgiving night. Much like our national elections in this country, people are stupid.

Really? Over a phone, Xbox, waffle iron? Look closely at this video. These imbeciles VOTE, and make more imbeciles.

Folks, understand this right here right now. Mankind is officially on the downward leg, rapidly picking up speed to extinction. Do not fool yourselves for a second that it is not happening.

Other then that I don’t feel too strongly about the whole matter.

I hope that all the rest of you had a good time with your families and had the chance to sit down and relax with loved ones. Its got to be a little more important and gratifying then standing in some line at the crack ass of dawn and putting up with this nonsense. As a small child I loved Santa Clause and getting gifts at Christmas as much as the next kid, but with all honesty from those moments to this very one, none of that shit mattered more then being with family.

Let ‘er rip tater chip!

Friday how I love thee!

It’s another glorious Friday. End of the work week and the Jets play the Dolphins this weekend. The new iPhone 5 is on the shelves, a coffee is next to my hand and there’s a loyal happy dog at my feet. Not bad. Well other then a winning powerball ticket, Kyra Sedgwick for a wife and my own Island nation life is pretty good. (or darn tootin’ for all you Minnesota folk)

Can I ask a question? Thanks. I knew I could.

For any and all new mothers, parents, people with kids, people who know people with kids, people whom have seen little kids, lately I have noticed small babies with what looks like little mitts or glove like things on their hands. What the hell is this all about? What is the purpose of these mittens? These aren’t eskimo kids laying in the snow either. I am talking about normal babies, at home, day care, mall, gas stations, crack dens, brothels, Vegas casino count rooms, designated smoking areas at government taxing agencies. I have noticed small babies and these mittens all over the place.

I admit being single with no children, (well any that I am aware of in this country or access to any support agency that has any legal jurisdiction over my life) that I don’t keep up on the newborn hand care fashion. I looked back at some of my baby pictures to see if I had to wear mittens or gloves, nope none there. So I ask, is this some kind of new eco-moon-bat type movement for new babies to keep them from scratching their asses or picking their noses until some new age or stage of life? What the hell? Someone help me out here and rock the comment section with some knowledge for the out of the know middle aged guy.

This got me to thinking about all the new trends in child rearing as compared to my generation. Look I realize and completely understand that since the birth of time, every generation of people always looks forward or backward with disdain for the next generation as to what one group had to do to get by with in regards to how they were raised. Its natural and normal as we evolve and advance as a race.

However I contend that a lot of the new things we do with children today that we didn’t do when we were kids or our parents were kids is not to the betterment of children or society in general. I think it actually to the detriment of the children and society. I think there is a number of factors in place that have brought about these changes. Economics, society, education are to name a few.

Let me give some examples.

I haven’t seen a child learn to or continue to ride a bicycle without a full DOT class crash helmet on since I am guessing 1990. What the hell is this all about? Did children in 1990 in mass numbers all of a sudden start learning to ride bicycles and through no fault of their own start flinging themselves head first into the pavement, parked cars, fence posts, or other such blunt objects and become brain dead vegetables? What happened? I learned to ride a bike without a helmet. So did my brothers, friends, family, and pretty much everyone I knew. To my knowledge we all survived without major trauma. Now you teach a kid to ride a bicycle without a dork pot on his/her head and family services or some such will show up to beat you with a lead pipe and brand you unfit. What the hell? Do kids make ramps out of trash cans and stolen plywood from construction sites to jump over other kids laying in the street with their bicycles any more?

Sports, Little League, Pop Warner, Soccer, Bowling or any organized competitive function. All the children no matter what are winners. Say what? Yes, I have seen it with my own eyes. There are no more losers. All the children are winners. Christ, there are season ending banquets going on all over the country with trophies being awarded to teams and individuals all they way down to last place. Seriously? I shit you not! Where’s the competition? Where is the spirit of work hard, work your ass off, work as a team and win! Win first place. Win every time. Not only win, but with grace and sportsmanship, win and win big. Make the losing team choke on a blow out. Send them back home thinking their mothers and fathers all failed them and had retards for babies and to never show back up on the cities baseball field, football field, bowling alley, hand ball court, soccer field without permission or risk a beating over by the water pipes.

My father used to come to my Little League games at Sportsman’s park and from the stands ridicule me for striking out. Yelling from the bleachers, “What happened Brock, you should have swung on the 2-1 pitch and drilled that pitching sissy down his throat!” You know what? At first as a kid I was mad and upset that I didn’t do good and make my father proud, then I took more batting practice, and then drilled some hits down pitchers throats and won some games. Golf Gallery, PSL’s finest in 1978. Every game we won, free pizza and soda in the Fort suckers!

Soccer, same thing. Rinse lather repeat. We won and won big. Second place was for suckers and chumps.

Are parents even allowed to speak the word “loser” within a thousand feet of a public athletic facility?

When I was in school and during recess no matter what the activity, softball, baseball, dodge ball, duck duck goose, there was going to be two team captains, and kids were going to be picked for teams. Rule of the land was, if you got picked last it was because you were fat, sucked, dumb, slow, retarded. You lived with it. You didn’t cry. You sucked it  up and you played anyway. Maybe you did good, maybe you did bad, but you where there. You were there a few years later in high school too with your own car, some sweet high school ass, or not, but you were there and learned to adapt and integrate.

Bullying? Bullying has become all of a sudden this nationwide epidemic? Bullshit. Bullying has been going on for generations. The only difference now is all these emo kids that are being raised lazy and think that being winners is a given and automatic are finding out in the real world things don’t work that way and aren’t capable of coping. One post on one of these kids Facebook page calling him a pussy and he’s running to the closet to hang himself with his favorite pink Britney Spears belt his sissified parents convinced him it was ok to wear for show and tell.

In my day, which honestly wasn’t too far back, someone called you out, pushed you, shoved you, took your lunch money, you solved that problem in one of a few ways in which none included telling your parents or a teacher. You solved that shit on your own. You either stood up for yourself and whipped the bully’s ass, or if you couldn’t, then you learned to use your head to diffuse he situation with humor. If none of that worked you fell back on your friendships and personal networking skills to scheme an elaborate plan to have a bunch of friends kick the bully’s ass or set him up for a suspectd crime or auto accident. In any case you overcame and adapted to adverse life situations then you moved forward.

I guess this turned into a rant. I’m sorry. I think about these things from time to time.

To my dog loving readers. Friday fun tip #1. When giving your dog a bath, instead of paying for all those specialty dog shampoos that honestly are nothing special, wash the dog with some of that leftover Axe Body-wash liquid soap crap.

You know you have two or three bottles of that junk in the shower. You know who you are. You read the sexy Madison Ave advertisement in FHM, Mens Health, Esquire magazine with the good looking six pack abs model douche with the hot semi-naked woman licking his neck. Then you saw the crap in the supermarket next to the deodorant and toothpaste. You bought it, thinking it would make you smell like a million bucks and magically get you laid. You used it twice and now there is a soap scum ring growing around it in the shower caddy by the shaving cream and old Bic razor you use to clean up your nut hairs.

Use it for the dog. It lathers up great its not irritable and actually the perfume works good on the pooch. Now I have a clean dog who smells great. The bitches are showing up and loving all over him. Go figure.

Thats it. Have a good and safe weekend. Be kind to each other. Smile and remember to treat your waitress good. She really may be only doing that job while putting herself through college getting her medical or law degree. It could happen. 😉

Tamper if you like between the doors.

I suggest you step out on your porch.
Run away my son to see it all.

Guess we should update everyone on the “Help me name my new dog poll”.

Say hello to “Lucas Jackson War Hero”.  Lucas came home with me yesterday after working at the shelter. No more crate of shame and he seems all the more happy for it. (although he does have a crate here his is going to live in when I am not home)

As one may expect he’s been running around sniffing and checking out the new digs. So far so good no accidents in house. I am pretty certain he’s housebroken but I take him out often and watch him like a hawk. Lucas isn’t afraid of water as he walked right into the shower last night when I called him so he got his first bath. If I lay down, he lays down. If I get up, he gets up. I seem to have another shadow again.

This weekend will be mostly chilling out with Lucas and getting him used to his new home. Well that and probably getting douched out by tropical storm Isaac. We could use the rain in Florida so it’s hardly an issue other then for the local news and weather stations getting everyone into a full on “oh shit a storms coming” lather. Happens at least fifteen times each hurricane season down here. No native Floridians pay any attention to hurricane warnings until sixty hours out. Anything more in hurricane prognostication is at best a wild ass’d guess no matter what “computer” models may show you or how much the local weather imbecile may be ranting.

So with this entry I’ll bust out a TGIF, and hope everyone has a decent weekend.