I got your back…..maybe

Wash away my troubles, wash away my pain.

With the rain in Shambala.

Wash away my sorrows, wash away my shame.

With the rain in Shambala.

Since Lucille has been gone I have been volunteering some hours at the local no-kill animal shelter. This little guy is currently going by the name Hershey.

Hershey is a guesstimated to be a two year old lab/retriever mix. As soon as I saw him I asked what his status was and was told he was already adopted but the family was on vacation and going to pick him up when they return.

I breathed a sigh of relief. To be honest I wasn’t sure if I was ready for another dog. Then I felt guilt about losing Lucille and how easily it could be to replace her. So knowing that he may be getting another home was a relief.

Then I fucked up.

I started hanging with Hershey on the days I would work at the shelter. He is good boy and a lover. The bastard! Seems to be housebroken knows sit and shake paw. Like Lucille used to be, he’ll chase tennis balls either till your arm falls off or he collapses from exhaustion. I take him swimming in the pool and walk him often. Mostly when I am not cleaning up shit or piss at the shelter, I go down to his room and hang with him on the floor. He’ll come up to me and put his paw in my shoulder and look at me, like “come on man lets get the fuck out of here” then lick my face or ear.

I pretty much have told the shelter, that if the adoption falls through or the people never show back up to get him that he coming home with me.

Most likely he go home to a decent family. My hopes anyway. If not he’s goddamned mine.

Im not particularly religious or spiritual but I tend to side with fate and karma more times then not. Hershey was put in my path for a reason. I am guessing to spend a little time with me to show me that it was ok to move away from the hurt of losing Lucille and finding another dog. If thats the reason, I’ll take it and wait for the next dog to come along my path that needs me as I need him/her. Strange how things work out sometimes. What little time I get to spend with this dog between now and the nineteenth of the month when his new family is supposed to pick him up, he’ll get the hook up with treats and extra food. I wont forget what he did for me. If that family doesn’t come back for him or change their mind, i’ll show him what he did for me for the rest of his life. In my home.

TGIF or how I woke up and thought..

 

I dont care if it rains or freezes long as I got my plastic Jesus riding on the dashboard of my car.

Goin ninety I aint scary cause I got the virgin mary assuring me that i wont go to hell.

…the best movie in the world, ok maybe not “The Best” but my top five short list of best movies in the world is Cool Hand Luke. I have pretty much modeled my life after the main character Lucas Jackson albeit subconsciously most of the times.

Hell I named the best dog I ever owned and loved “Lucille” after one of the characters in the movie.

If you have not seen the movie, rent it, buy it, amazon it whatever. You’ll watch it at least twenty-sixteen times or something. I swear.

Anyway, without spoiling the movie, Luke is a one of a kind, natural born world shaker. His mother dies while he’s in the road gang and he gets put in “the box” for no reason other then in case he tries to escape for her funeral. He does escape a few times gets caught each time, but jail, the bosses and the captain cant break him. Remind of you anyone yet..lol

Throughout the movie Newman’s character has an internal battle with the man upstairs (God) about giving him a sign or something to show him what he is supposed to do with his life.

Now I cant say that I have much the same debate with God or whatever my higher power may be from one week to another about doing something with my life, but I can relate in a way to Luke in this regard.

You see if there is a God or some kind of Devine higher power, that son of a bitch took my Lucille away from me at the ripe old age of four and half years old. She was still a fucking puppy in my eyes with a shit ton of good years ahead of her.

“….for reasons you don’t know he/she/it has a plan and we don’t always know the bigger picture.”

Yea what the hell ever.

“…..maybe your karma is bad”

I pretty much live my life by a few simple principles. Try and be kind, treat others fairly and with respect. Lastly in the almighty words of Tony Montana “I aint never fucked nobody over that didn’t have it coming to him, and in this world all I got is my balls and my word and I don’t break them for no one.” Oh look another movie mantra I live by, starting to see a pattern here.

So I question this whole faith in the higher power thing. In the big picture or plan, who am I really? I don’t really take or give, I cared pretty much about one thing in life and it was that Golden Retriever. In the grand scheme of things what was the significance of me or Lucille or allowing her at such a young age to get a mass on her spleen?

“…simple science and biology man, these things happen, there is no control just bad luck.”

Yeah I know, and I have honestly accepted that. But it doesn’t make the battle with faith in our higher power any less problematic. That this happened goes against everything faith supposedly teaches us.

Is there a heaven and hell? I don’t know. So far in life I have done enough and frankly have the sky miles to upgrade to a first class seat to both locations. Is this the reason Lucille is gone? I recognize and try to live life on the good side of the equation of the force and not go to the dark side. The whole fear leads to anger, anger leads to…..oh wait thats George Lucas…fuck another movie.

I am so screwed…..Lucille I love you and miss you baby girl. Find God or Lucifer or Yoda and I will see you again at another time. Some day I may get another dog, she wont be another Lucille but she may be a “Dragline” or a “Coconut Head- Koko” or a “Babalugats”.

This entry is dedicated to Lucille Retriever Kingston 2007-2012