Look mommy, there’s an airplane up in the sky

Did you see the frightened ones meteor
Did you hear the falling bombs
Did you ever wonder
Why we had to run for shelter

Well if you’re Russian that wasn’t any airplane. Just a meteor nothing to see here. Move along. TGIF!

But WAIT! There is more!

What if the meteor that slammed into Russia yesterday is not just a meteor? What if its merely a piece of “meteor shrapnel” from the bigger piece of asteroid that is supposed to pass by the earth at the closest distance since the dinosaurs were wiped out in the last planet wide armageddon? You guys know about the asteroid right?

Clicky Clicky Asteroid Clicky Clicky

What if the the world governments are all lying to us about the asteroid and its really going to strike the earth rather then passing by at 17,000 miles to preserve the peace? If NASA knew we were all going to die in nuclear winter because an asteroid the size of olympic sized swimming pool would hit the earth would they tell us? Whats the point? Do we spend the last days in holy terror knowing all life was going to cease to exist in a week, or just keep quiet and let us live out the last few days in unknowing bliss? Wake up Saturday morning and “BLINK” were all gone in a few seconds.

I don’t know man. I watched Armageddon! Where is Bruce Willis? Where is fucking ROCKHOUND man? We’ve got no supercharged space shuttles! Aerosmith didn’t even write us a damn soundtrack for this shit. I am not ready to go!

Grab yo shit. Grab yo kids. Head for the hills and your bunkers. I think were all going to die. I aint got time for this!

On the other hand. I’ve lived a good and interesting life so far and have no regrets. Well I do have some regrets but I swear I did the best I could with what I had at the time, so pretty much screw it lets get this over with I say. I am ready.

Who am I kidding? God, Karma, (insert your higher power here) wouldn’t wipe out the earths population in the middle of tax season. Destiny and chance couldn’t be in our favor that much. Yea we’ll live on now, I am sure of it.

False Alarm. Sorry folks. Move along nothing to see here.

TGIF and see you next week.

Let ‘er rip tater chip!


Lance Armstrong and Neil Armstrong. Three nuts and a trip to the moon.

LanceIf you’ve been watching the news lately then I am sure you know the name Lance Armstrong.

If you have breathed oxygen in the last forty-four years then I am sure you have also heard of the name Neil Armstrong.

Neil ArmstrongBoth of these men share the same last name though not directly related to my knowledge. Both of these men also played a highly pivotal role in shaping american history. It also turns out that chances are relatively high that both men may be in fact liars.

Lance Armstrong if you’ve been under a rock was an american racing bicyclist. After losing one of his balls to testicular cancer, Lance fought back and in the most triumphant way won the worlds premier bicycle racing contest, “The Tour de France” not once but seven times. Thats more wins then any other living soul. It turns out ole’ Lance pedaled his ass to seven wins with the help of illegal performance enhancing drugs. He has subsequently been stripped of his Tour titles and banned from competitively walking across the damn street for life.

We all know who Neil Armstrong is. He was the first american astronaut to successfully fly, land, walk on and return safely from the moon. In 1969 Neil landed on the moon with his pilot buddy Edwin “Buz” Aldrin. When Neil stepped off the lunar lander he spoke the most famous words in human history. “That’s one small step for [A] man. One giant leap for mankind.” Throughout his life Neil Armstrong maintained he just came up with the famous quote after takeoff and during the actual moon landing in the lunar lander. As it turned out ole’ Neil decided not to grace the earth with his presence one more time for good last year. Neil’s brother has since come forward and proclaimed that Neil showed him the famous quote some months before the actual moon mission in a drunken game of checkers, gin rummy, Jenga or whatever other games the most elite engineering, aeronautical, flight test pilots do when getting ready to strap their asses to the most explosive, highest powered, and complex flying machine of all time headed for the moon.

So here we are, two world famous well known men. Technically speaking both lied. Look at the perception of these men today. Both overcame seemingly insurmountable odds, were the best of the best and inspired millions of people all over the world for years to achieve and overcome.

I guess you can argue one lied and made millions of dollars with the false pretense of being an athletic superhero. The other lied about a simple quotation whom never basked in the spotlight or accepted his super human hero status. A super human status he most certainly was in all respects entitled to claim.

In the end what did the lies cost? In the case of Neil it shows he was a little more down to earth human and completely aware of the significance of the milestone in history he was about to partake. It would have been nice to know and see this side of Neil in the following years after his history making space flight. He wasn’t all straight laced, icy, engineering to the minutest detail type we thought he was. Neil was human and fallible.

As for Lance, well he may be a slightly different story. He clearly lived behind the illusion of his lies and in some cases broke his legal foot off in the asses of more then one person who questioned his integrity in regards to doping. Lance is paying the price for it now too.

To me the question isn’t whether he should or shouldn’t have doped, but how he lived with the lies of doping. Here’s a little clue about doping and the Tour de France. About 80% of the competitors are doing it, so in as far as an unfair advantage and soiling of the integrity of the race, thats a mountain of bullshit only the likes of a government run department of losers would make a big deal over.

Where Lance fucked up is that he believed the lies and used them to prop himself up to sponsors and advertisers. He should have kept his mouth shut about any and all doping, walked away from all accusations and never commented publicly about anyone or thing that claimed he was a cheater. Would he have still been caught and paid the price? You betcha. However he could have laid back, threw his hands in the air without the label of worlds biggest hypocritical asshole, and just said “I cheated and lied because it built and funded the LIVE STRONG foundation for 15 years.”

People will look past a bullshitter and liar whom’s lies and bullshit was used as a means to an end for a serious problem like cancer, or world peace. You go off sticking your one nut root into Sheryl Crow and sue the ass off some team assistant and newspaper that prints a story about you cheating when you know damn well you have and you can kiss your ass away. You my friend are next in line to a tearful Oprah Winfrey interview on a failing cable channel of depressed chick garbage programming. No offense to any and all you maybe  depressed Oprah channel garbage watching ladies.

In the end lying is a selfish act that doesn’t hurt you until it hurts others. If you’re going to consciously hurt someone else with lying, then you better make damn sure you’re curing cancer or walking on the fucking moon.

Let ‘er rip tater chip!