I can still remember how that music use to make me smile.
And I knew if I had my chance I could make those people dance.
And maybe they’d be happy for a while.
Is today black Friday? You’re freakin’-A right it is! Hostess Brands the iconic maker of such things as Twinkies, Zingers, Devil Dogs, and Wonder Bread is shutting down and gone.
The company has been in trouble for a couple of years now. When you really look at the numbers from an objective eye to business, this one is a shame. There was obvious management and leadership problems here. It wasn’t too late to fix those issues and the company and board of directors were trying. Want to know what killed this company? The damn unions! 18,000 plus workers get to go home without a job this holiday season and for the first time since 1930 we get to walk through a grocery store and not see a box of Twinkies or a loaf of Wonder Bread for sale.
Being a child of the seventies and eighties, I can tell you these foods were a normal part of life. I didn’t know there was anything other then white sandwich Wonder bread until I was probably twelve years old. In fact there was a loaf of it in my parents house last week. My father still eats it.
Twinkies and Devil Dog snack cakes have an indelible mark on my childhood. My grandmother used to have a dedicated drawer in her kitchen where at any time in history there was a box of Twinkies and or other snacks. Guaranteed! Not just when grandchildren were visiting either. My grandmother as sure as rain had on hand at ALL times Twinkies, Devil Dogs, and out in the refrigerator in the laundry room at least a case of Yoo-Hoo. In fact, I would bet my last dollar right this second that somewhere in Virginia in my grandmother’s kitchen at this very moment is a Twinkie, Ding Dong, Devil Dog, or other reasonable facsimile of a snack cake, junk food, or candy treat with roots to this iconic company. She may not remember it and it could very well be past its published shelf life (which is in and of itself not possible), but I’d bet I am right. If I was there right now, I’d eat that damn thing and sit and cherish fond memories of my grandparents and being a small boy without a care or problem in the world one last time.
It’s a cruel world out there today.
This week I re-visited my homemade pizza recipe and finally published it in the Recipe section of this blog. I have pontificated on New York style pizza and especially making it at home here on this blog in the past. I have come to the conclusion that pizza is pretty much the best food in the world. Getting the basics down and being able pull off a good pie at home is easier then one would think. I tested and retested the basic dough recipe, oven temperatures and cook times. Its a slam dunk. I am now going to move into making my own mozzarella and I have fresh basil growing. I will plant tomatoes this spring. By June of next year, with the exception of the yeast and flour, I fully intend to make a pizza from scratch with everything 100% home grown and or killed. Yes, I will kill a hog and make my own sausage.
Pizza made in the oven, pizza made on the grill, pizza made on the Big Green Egg, I am going to document it all right here. There is too much cheap shitty pizza out there, and I am going to prove we do not need to put up with that garbage.
It just occurred to me. How in the 7th level of hell can we as a country watch the maker of Twinkie and Wonder Bread cease to exist, yet that bullshit Domino’s, Papa Johns, and Pizza Hut can survive through a plague?
Well, not on my watch. YOU NEED ME ON THAT WALL! Can you handle the truth? They can have my pizza when they pry it from my cold dead hands. REMEMBER THE ALAMO and THE TWINKIE!
So that’s where we are on this Friday before Thanksgiving. I got a recipe for Turkey shepherds pie. Its a great way to get rid of leftovers. I’ll put it in the recipe section next week.
Be safe, have fun, love one another and enjoy the weekend.
Pizza is so easy to make at home and better then anything you can buy in a frozen food section at the grocery store. You can also make pizza for about 1/3 of the price then if you buy them from the store or even from your favorite take out pizza shop.
There is one caveat to all things making pizza at home. You need a pizza stone for the oven and you need a pizza peel. (wooden/or metal large spatula shaped thing) Everyone should have a pizza stone in the oven permanently anyway for even heat distribution. I leave mine on the lower rack all the time. It stays in there forever. You can make bread on it, cook other things on it doesn’t matter. I like the rectangular stones more then the circular ones, but by all means use what you want.
Before we get going too far along, I should probably clear something up right now. When I am talking about pizza, I am specifically talking about New York style pizza. Thin-ish crispy outside, lightly chewy and airy interior crust. That Chicago shit isn’t pizza. Yes I went there and said it! Its named the same thing and its usually round but thats where similarities end. Don’t get me wrong. Chicago style pizza has its place and I like some of it, but to me its not pizza. It’s like midwestern corn-fed healthy survive winter meat pie type food. Its not pizza. I have been all over Italy more then six times and nowhere in any part of that country is there a reasonable facsimile to “Chicago style” pizza. The Italians brought pizza over from Italy. When the GI’s returned from Italy in World War II they wanted the pizza they ate in Italy and pizza as we know it in this country took off based on pizza from Italy. What we call New York style pizza is the closest form of pizza from Italy today and its still not even the same.
There are two tricks you need to make a good New York style pizza at home. Dough and heat. Thats all you need and it doesn’t get much simpler.
Lets talk about the dough. Dough for pizza is easy to make and you need no special ingredients. A decent higher protein/gluten flour, salt, yeast, and water.
There are basically two kinds of flour available in the stores. All purpose and bread flour. Bread flours have a higher protein/gluten level up to 15 percent. All purpose flour is lower and usually only up to 11 percent protein/gluten. King Arthur All Purpose flour is almost 12% and thats what I use. No sense in buying all kinds of different flours. If you cant get King Arthur where you live then get the bread flour.
Dough
Ingredients:
2-1/4 teaspoon Active Dry Yeast
1 cup (8 oz) Warm Water
2-1/2 cups (11.5 oz) Flour
1 teaspoon of Salt
Pour the yeast into the warm water and let sit for 10 minutes until yeast starts to bloom.
Sift the flour and salt together in the bowl of a stand mixer or normal bowl.
When the yeast has bloomed pour the water/yeast into the flour and mix together until just combined. A minute or two in mixer or with a spoon just until a wet shaggy dough forms. This dough will seem wet, do not worry. When its just combined let it sit for fifteen (15) minutes. This is called Autolyse. You’re hydrating the dough, getting the yeast spread throughout the flour. Its ok, just walk away and take a break. Leave it right in the bowl.
Now mix or knead the dough. In a stand mixer with a dough hook let it run on low for ten (10) minutes. Or pour the dough out on a lightly floured surface and hand knead the dough for ten minutes. You may add small amounts of four to tighten the dough up but not too much. Just keep kneading and the dough will come together just fine. Don’t give up. After kneading the dough you have two options.
Option 1: place dough in a lightly oiled ziplock bag and store in refrigerator for up to three (3) days. The dough will ferment in the fridge and develop a stronger deeper flavor.
Option 2: Place the dough into a lightly oiled bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Allow the dough to rise on counter for an hour and half. (1-1/2 hr)
If you put the dough in fridge for a day or so, take out about an hour before you’re ready to use and allow to come to room temperature.
Heat
Pre-heat your oven and pizza baking stone an hour before making pizza. Set your oven as high as it will go. 450-500 degrees. Don’t be scared. Make that sucker like a blast furnace. Its winter time, who cares? Release hell in that oven. Heat the stone up for an hour.
Assembly
Take your dough and on a lightly floured surface punch down and knead for a minute or so. Cut dough in half. There will be enough for two (2) nine inch pies. Take first half on lightly floured surface and roll dough out. At first it will seem to spring back and not want to roll out. Keep going and be patient. It will stretch out. Roll it out to about the size of your pizza peel and or pizza stone. Once its rolled and stretched out, transfer the dough to a well floured peel. Don’t be scared to rub some serious flour on the peel but don’t get crazy. Just lay the dough on the floured peel. When you shake the peel back and forth the dough should gently slide back and forth with little resistance.
Now here is where you make the pizza your own:
Sauce the pizza. You can buy jars of pizza sauce or make your own. I have done both. Its up to you.
Cheese the pizza. Fresh slices of Mozzarella, shredded, whole milk, low fat milk, your choice. You want the whole milk cheese though. It melts better and doesn’t taste like rubber. How much cheese you put on the pie is up to you. I find less is more. Do what you like.
Toppings. Add the toppings you like. Again less is more. This time I had a green Bell pepper and some red onion to get rid of so guess what I used? Pepperoni, sausage, its up to you.
Cook
Now carefully take your assembled pizza and transfer the pie to the pre-heated pizza stone. Gently shake the peel back and forth and the pie will want to run off the end of the peel. Place it on the stone and close oven.
Now if you are running the oven at 450 or above, don’t go far. The pizza will be done in six (6) minutes or less. Start checking it about the four minute mark. You want the cheese to melt get a little brown but not burn. It will go fast so pay attention.
When done, carefully pick up the side of the crust and slide peel under the pizza and pull out of oven on pizza peel.
You just made your own pizza. If you followed this recipe and instructions it should look closely to these examples.
See? Its so easy to do and make. You will also be amazed at how good they taste. Oh yea, there is also about $2 worth of ingredients here.
Pour the yeast into the warm water and let sit for 10 minutes until yeast starts to bloom.
Sift the flour and salt together in the bowl of a stand mixer or normal bowl.
When the yeast has bloomed pour the water/yeast into the flour and mix together until just combined. A minute or two in mixer or with a spoon just until a wet shaggy dough forms. This dough will seem wet, do not worry. When its just combined let it sit for fifteen (15) minutes. This is called Autolyse. You’re hydrating the dough, getting the yeast spread throughout the flour. Its ok, just walk away and take a break. Leave it right in the bowl.
Now mix or knead the dough. In a stand mixer with a dough hook let it run on low for ten (10) minutes. Or pour the dough out on a lightly floured surface and hand knead the dough for ten minutes. You may add small amounts of four to tighten the dough up but not too much. Just keep kneading and the dough will come together just fine. Don’t give up. After kneading the dough you have two options.
Option 1: place dough in a lightly oiled ziplock bag and store in refrigerator for up to three (3) days. The dough will ferment in the fridge and develop a stronger deeper flavor.
Option 2: Place the dough into a lightly oiled bowl and cover with plastic wrap. Allow the dough to rise on counter for an hour and half. (1-1/2 hr)
If you put the dough in fridge for a day or so, take out about an hour before you’re ready to use and allow to come to room temperature.
Heat
Pre-heat your oven and pizza baking stone an hour before making pizza. Set your oven as high as it will go. 450-500 degrees. Don’t be scared. Make that sucker like a blast furnace. Its winter time, who cares? Release hell in that oven. Heat the stone up for an hour.
Assembly
Take your dough and on a lightly floured surface punch down and knead for a minute or so. Cut dough in half. There will be enough for two (2) nine inch pies. Take first half on lightly floured surface and roll dough out. At first it will seem to spring back and not want to roll out. Keep going and be patient. It will stretch out. Roll it out to about the size of your pizza peel and or pizza stone. Once its rolled and stretched out, transfer the dough to a well floured peel. Don’t be scared to rub some serious flour on the peel but don’t get crazy. Just lay the dough on the floured peel. When you shake the peel back and forth the dough should gently slide back and forth with little resistance.
Now here is where you make the pizza your own:
Sauce the pizza. You can buy jars of pizza sauce or make your own. I have done both. Its up to you.
Cheese the pizza. Fresh slices of Mozzarella, shredded, whole milk, low fat milk, your choice. You want the whole milk cheese though. It melts better and doesn’t taste like rubber. How much cheese you put on the pie is up to you. I find less is more. Do what you like.
Toppings. Add the toppings you like. Again less is more. This time I had a green Bell pepper and some red onion to get rid of so guess what I used? Pepperoni, sausage, its up to you.
Cook
Now carefully take your assembled pizza and transfer the pie to the pre-heated pizza stone. Gently shake the peel back and forth and the pie will want to run off the end of the peel. Place it on the stone and close oven.
Now if you are running the oven at 450 or above, don’t go far. The pizza will be done in six (6) minutes or less. Start checking it about the four minute mark. You want the cheese to melt get a little brown but not burn. It will go fast so pay attention.
When done, carefully pick up the side of the crust and slide peel under the pizza and pull out of oven on pizza peel.
Its a good excuse to celebrate Take a number knock on wood We’ll find a reason to feel good
Another weekend draws to a close, and another work week begins. Let the collective sighs and moans commence.
Lots of things in the news this weekend. Seems some douche bag made a rather less then flattering movie about Islam. Then some more douche bags rioted and stormed our embassies around the world. Some of our citizens were killed. Some douche bag in the White House apologized for the movie to the douche bags rioting, and then that douche bag went and partied in Las Vegas with a couple more douche bags. Remember all these douche bags when you vote in November.
Saturday evening I wasn’t in the mood to cook. I ordered a pizza from Domino’s. I regret it. I knew I would regret it before I ordered it. I still ordered it. I have gotten involved with women in much the same way. Why do I put myself through this misery? Lets take a deeper look shall we?
Saturday as stated I wasn’t in the mood to cook. I was hungry, I wanted to eat so I had to do something. I knew I was going to eat shitty pizza and I accepted that fate. My criteria for shitty pizza was the following.
Had to be able to order my pizza online. I didnt want to dial a phone number and talk to some pimple headed douche bag to submit my order.
I had to be able to pay with my banks debt/Visa I had about $7 cash on hand. Ok for drivers tip not enough for shitty pizza.
Delivery. I don’t want to cook, I’m sure as hell not driving for shitty pizza
I wasn’t going to pay silly money for shitty pizza.
I knew my choices essentially came to three options. Pizza Hut (or in my vernacular Pizza Slut), Papa John’s, or Domino’s.
Out came the trusty iPad. Pizza Slut (Hut) has its own mobile app. Someone should wake up the Pizza Slut/Hut IT department at up at corporate. It blows up on launch and I noticed it hasn’t been updated in at least a version or two of IOS. Good going Pizza Slut/Hut. You’re just like every other corporate entity in this nation. Sleep at the switch and what customer service?
Papa John’s online site for ordering was working. Poked around a little. Papa John’s idea of a deal was $13 for a single shitty pizza before a delivery charge and tax. Kiss my ass crooked John your no Papa of mine. I am not paying $15+ for a single shitty pizza no matter how many peppers and little tubs of liquid garlic butter jiz you may throw my way.
Domino’s here I come. Domino’s was at one time many years ago an acceptable shitty pizza option. Hit the website. Pretty easy to navigate, well laid out. Two medium two topping pizza special for $5.99 each. Ok thats better but I am alone, dont need two whole medium pizzas. Dominos has been advertising these new cheese bread sticks. I can substitute this for one of the shitty pizzas. No problem. Out the door with tax and delivery I’m at $15 and change for two items. I’ll sling the poor schlub delivery driver a $5 and I got food for a day and a half.
Dominos sucks! Their pizza sucks, the abortion of the new and improved cheese bread sucks. Everything sucked. I wasn’t shocked. I knew it was going to happen from the beginning. I torture myself like this all the time. My instincts told me it was going to suck and as usual I ignored my instincts, said to myself, “how bad can it be, its better then making something at this hour” and sure enough I wasn’t let down. It sucked.
As I thought about this issue I have with shitty pizza, I realized I could use choosing to eat shitty pizza as a metaphor for choosing shitty relationships. Fortunately I have had a lot more shitty pizza then shitty relationships. It doesn’t change the fact that every shitty relationship I have been involved in, I always in every single case knew from the very beginning the relationship was going to suck. Sure enough each time I ignored my gut instincts and WHAMO, it sucked.
Look at this psychology. I even tried to apply the old cliche that “there is no shitty pizza and that all pizza even shitty is still good”. Yeah…ahhhhh…..nope. That’s categorically not true with relationships. If they suck, then they suck.
I know exactly what makes a great pizza. I know exactly what I think will be a great pizza. I have had great pizza. I can say all the same in regards to relationships. I know what makes a great relationship, I know how to make a great relationship, I have had great relationships.
Great relationships are like great pizza. A great pizza is awesome when its fresh right out of the oven made with great ingredients. Its also awesome if you can wake up the next morning and without having to do anything to it, just pick up a cold piece and its still great for breakfast. The problem I find is a seemingly great pizza fresh out of the oven, usually rates low and drifts back into the “suck” zone when cold the next morning. I have had relationships exactly the same way. Great that night fresh out of the proverbial oven, wake up the next morning, look over and go, “oh Jesus Christ another shitty pizza”.
We can send men to the moon, Dina Lohan can blow Dr. Phil in a drunken stupor on tv, but why cant I have a great pizza? Why do I keep lying to myself, going against my good judgement and going back to try what I know is going to be shitty pizza? I know what I want in a pizza and I know exactly what I want in a relationship. I can make great pizza all day long. Unless I start collecting Tesla coils and sending out Marty Feldman to start digging up corpses and bringing back AB Normal’s brains I can’t make a completely great relationship. I got all the great ingredients I just need to find a woman with an awesome oven I guess.
I can still remember how that music use to make me smile.
The company has been in trouble for a couple of years now. When you really look at the numbers from an objective eye to business, this one is a shame. There was obvious management and leadership problems here. It wasn’t too late to fix those issues and the company and board of directors were trying. Want to know what killed this company? The damn unions! 18,000 plus workers get to go home without a job this holiday season and for the first time since 1930 we get to walk through a grocery store and not see a box of Twinkies or a loaf of Wonder Bread for sale.
Twinkies and Devil Dog snack cakes have an indelible mark on my childhood. My grandmother used to have a dedicated drawer in her kitchen where at any time in history there was a box of Twinkies and or other snacks. Guaranteed! Not just when grandchildren were visiting either. My grandmother as sure as rain had on hand at ALL times Twinkies, Devil Dogs, and out in the refrigerator in the laundry room at least a case of Yoo-Hoo. In fact, I would bet my last dollar right this second that somewhere in Virginia in my grandmother’s kitchen at this very moment is a Twinkie, Ding Dong, Devil Dog, or other reasonable facsimile of a snack cake, junk food, or candy treat with roots to this iconic company. She may not remember it and it could very well be past its published shelf life (which is in and of itself not possible), but I’d bet I am right. If I was there right now, I’d eat that damn thing and sit and cherish fond memories of my grandparents and being a small boy without a care or problem in the world one last time.
So that’s where we are on this Friday before Thanksgiving. I got a recipe for Turkey shepherds pie. Its a great way to get rid of leftovers. I’ll put it in the recipe section next week.
