Tag Archives: Food

I’ll meet you any time you want

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In our Italian restaurant. 

It is another Monday. Beware of the suckage. So far mine isn’t too bad and the weekend was nice.

The dinner club met again this weekend hosted by my friends Amy and Allen with six of our other close friends to even include a few associated children.

A funny thing, Amy was concerned that this meet up couldn’t be classified as an official “Dinner Club” assembly because she invited eight people, when in the past it was only been four of us. I explained to her that it was nonsense and it still counted as “Dinner Club” and that the more people the better. My home is a little smaller and I had set the precedence in the meet ups to four people, but as I think about it more and more I can feed and entertain more then four and I am going to do it next time. At least I’ll extend the invitation. Folding chairs and a TV tray around the table here I come.

Amy and Allen made one damn nice dinner. Sausage and peppers over spaghetti, garlic bread, and Cesar salad. Dessert was a lemon cake with whipped cream topping. It was an excellent meal, with a great group of friends.

There are a few thoughts I came away with from the dinner club meet up from last night. The first being, as a single middle aged man, my home is decorated or should I say lack of decorating in a very appropriate manner. I am not sure how I feel about it either. I am not messy, or ultra neat and my tastes are pretty utilitarian. There is no warmth here. The house is mine and its home but there is admittedly no woman’s touch. I don’t have an eye for decorating. I can spot good color combinations, good furniture and arrange them in appropriate ways to use space wisely and efficiently, but beyond that I am useless and have no idea. Pictures, plants, window treatments, table-scape, and I am like a politician is to honest. Just not there. It is not that I don’t want or wish my home had the warmth of a discerning eye of a great woman, its just I can definitely see that my home lacks it for certain.

The next thing I came away with is the reinforcement of the meaning of friendship. My refrigerator like most in the free world is a place for pizza, pest control, and other associated magnets. These magnets hold pictures of things I enjoy looking at. My nieces, goddaughter, and my dogs. A few years ago, Amy, Allen and myself would take our dogs (Lucille and Tucker) out on Amy and Allen’s boat to the intracoastal / sandbar and let the dogs swim and run all day. Amy took some pictures of Tucker and Lucille a few years ago and those pictures have been on my refrigerator ever since. Last night at dinner, Amy pointed out one of the same pictures of Lucille and Tucker on her refrigerator. Now I know for a fact Amy has had this picture of Tucker and Lucille on her fridge for some time. I have seen it there before. Last night however when Amy pointed out the picture to me, I dawned on me that these are friends. Lucille not only lives on in a pictures in my house with her buddy Tucker, but she also lives on in the thoughts of Amy and Allen too. All too often in our busy lives we forget and take for granted small things like friendships and people in our lives. All it takes is a simple picture on a refrigerator to remind you of that goodness. Last night I was reminded of that goodness again. When I thought no one was looking Tucker got a piece of my lemon cake right from my fork that I happily used after to keep eating the cake from his mouth to mine.

Today I am making turkey pot pie from scratch. I’ll post the recipe and writeup in the recipe section later. Its a good way to get rid of a lot of crap in the kitchen. You’ll enjoy this one.

Today I am also going to set up the end grain cutting board ordering page come hell or high water. I almost had it done Friday, but I broke the database with the application I had for the online ordering and spent most of Friday fixing what I broke. After some research and simplification I will try again.

Stay tuned.

Beef Rouladen

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Beef Rouladen is a German dish that is simple to make and an excellent way to break up the monotony of a tired recipe rotation.

Ingredients:

  • 6 beef round steaks sliced thin
  • Stone ground mustard or Dijon
  • 6 slices of bacon cooked
  • 6 green onions or scallions trimmed
  • 2 carrots peeled and quartered lengthwise
  • 6 dill pickle spears
  • Olive oil
  • 3 medium cloves of garlic minced
  • 2-1/2 cups of chicken stock
  • 1/2 cup red wine
  • 1/4 cup of all purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup water

Procedures.

Assemble your ingredients together ready to go. (mise en place) Thats a fancy French term for “get all your shit together and ready in place”.

Heres the cast of characters. Meat, carrot, green onion, bacon, pickle, and mustard.

NOTE* Tradition indicates the roulades are tied with butchers twine and at first I was motivated but then when I started putting the roulades together I was like, “damn this” and pulled out the tooth picks to secure the meat. So use toothpicks.

Ok so lets make some roulades. Take each one of your thin sliced round steaks and place between sheets of plastic wrap. Hammer the meat out flat with a meat mallet/tenderizer or a small frying pan. Hammer the meat flat like 1/4″ to 3/8″ thick. Not necessarily paper thin but thin.

Take the meat, and spread your spicy mustard all over it. Then very simply take a piece of each one of the following ingredients bacon, carrot, green onion, pickle and place on edge of mustard covered meat. Now simply roll up into a small cigar shaped roll.

Take your toothpicks and secure the end of the meat to itself so it stays together. One or two toothpicks is all you need. Continue the process until all the roulades have been assembled.

Heat a pan with some olive oil over medium high heat and brown the roulades on all sides. About six (6) minutes total. Season with salt and pepper.

Once you brown all the meat, add your chicken stock and wine. Reduce the heat to medium low, cover and simmer for about 1-1/2 hours.

After an hour and a half of simmering, carefully remove the roulades to a plate, and return the pan they came out of with cooking liquid to medium high heat.

Mix your flour and water together in a small bowl. Now pour the flour/water mixture into the pan with the cooking liquids. Stir together with a whisk and bring to a boil. The sauce will thicken to a gravy but bring it to a boil and continue to whisk for a couple minutes. Now you have gravy! Return the roulades to the pan with the gravy to heat through.

Heat through for about five minutes or so. You are ready to eat.

NOTE* Please remove the damn toothpicks! I know I shouldn’t have to tell you this, but really I don’t need any feedback about how one of you ate the freaking toothpicks and needed emergency surgery to get the thing out of your throat.

There you have it. Beef Rouladen is generally served with spaetzle, buttered noodles, mashed potatoes, boiled potatoes, red cabbage. Choices are endless.

Make this, its not hard and the time frame isn’t too bad. Probably not a weeknight meal, for the busy working and those with children but its so worth it. Don’t let the flavors of meat, gravy and pickles scare you. Its good.

When you eat this food, you’ll be compelled to making angry speeches, blitzkrieging your ass all over the house and wanting to bomb out the homeowners association with your Luftwaffe BMW and Volkswagens!

 

Belgian Waffles

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Ingredients

  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 3/4 cup sugar
  • 3-1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 2 eggs, separated
  • 1-1/2 cups milk
  • 1 cup of butter, melted
  • 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions

In a bowl whisk to combine the flour, sugar and baking powder.

In another bowl, beat the egg yolks. Add milk, melted butter, and vanilla extract. Mix well.

Stir wet ingredients into dry ingredients in bowl number 1 until just combined.

Beat eggs whites until firm peaks form. Fold beaten egg whites into batter now in bowl number 1.

Batter will be very stiff and airy. Spoon batter into pre-heated waffle maker to manufactures specifications for amount per serving. My waffle maker makes rather deep eight inch waffles. This recipe makes enough batter to make about four complete waffles.

Eat and enjoy.

Good morning sunshines or shut up get coffee!

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Here were are again. Another Monday another start to another wonderful week of work, and otherwise monotonous skullduggery to get us through to the next weekend. Never fear because I am here to help.

Finally this weekend I have found that Justin Bieber and myself have something in common. YES, can you believe it? I was utterly shocked as well. It seems we both feel the same exact way about his music and concert performances. Take a look. This is a full dose of awesome sauce from me to you. Well that is if awesome sauce is say….. a bag of Doritos and a quart of spoiled milk?

Who is singing while ol’ Bieb’s his hurking out his dinner on stage?

Does anyone have even the slightest idea of how pathetic this is? This little hump has something like a trillion followers on Twitter, Facebook, mommywasaslut.com

How is this Rock and Roll? How is this cool? Do you know how many hotel rooms Led Zeppelin trashed to be cool. How many times Keith Moon had to be carried off stage passed out from behind his drum kit in a puddle of his own piss and vomit. Hell even Axl Rose doesnt show up to his shows until he has combed all his pubic hairs, had his special Chai tea and painted his toenails.

Hendrix, Joplin, Morrison, Moon, Rhodes, Vaughn, Cobain, Staley is it any wonder why they all checked out long before their time? Maybe they were all visionaries that saw music heading into the abyss we now find ourselves mired in. If thats the case, who can blame them?

In any event, to watch Mr. Bieber puke and vomit while hunched over ass out to his adoring fans is a win for me on any Monday in my book. Enjoy.

Coffee is ready. Hang on a second and let me sooth my nerves.

Ahhhhh. That’s much better. Let’s continue shall we?

Football this weekend? Ugh! The Jets were supposed to play the 49’ers. Did anyone even notice if they showed up for the game? Who were the people wearing the green and white uniforms? Well a loss is a loss I guess. If you’re going to take a beating no sense in spending energy or risking additional injury defending against the inevitable.

October is an exciting month this year. Let me rephrase that last sentence. This particular October should be an exciting month. Presidential and vice presidential debates take place. If Mitt Romney has half a brain in his Mormon head or by chance someone running his election campaign has half a ball sack, they will have instructed and throughly prepared him to eviscerate President Obama to his soulless core every single question every single debate. Governor Romney needs to go for the throat and kill this bastard.

If it were me, nothing would be off limits. No matter the time limit or the question content. I would somehow for every time I open my mouth bring about the questions of Obama’s past. Topics would include but not limited to:

  • Obama’s communist father Frank Marshall Davis.
  • Obama’s association with Acorn and the typical Chicago corruption.
  • Obama’s association with Bill Ayers, Rev. Wright
  • Obama’s bogus SSN#
  • Obama’s college transcripts
  • Obama’s nepotism  in Chicago for getting Michelle $300,000/year hospital job (turning away indigent patients to other hospitals…IRONY),
  • Obama buying his home with assistance with felon Tony Rezko.
  • All the way down to his nose job and plastic surgery. Who is hiding why change appearances?

I would slit his throat in the debates!

The bullshit this President has pulled over the mindless sheep in this country boarders on criminal. We’ll see if Romney plays it safe or goes for the kill. If he has any sense he’ll realize what the play it safe and passive route got John McCain in 2008.

Do your homework folks. Look past the silly 15 and 30 second sound bites on TV and ask questions. The answers are out there. Just don’t be too shocked about the answers you find to your questions when you start to think on your own.

Enough political commentary for today. These thoughts are mine and mine only. I respect everyones position and theres room here for all.

Oh yeah, my birthday and Halloween is in October too!

Nothing special this weekend from the corporate kitchens with the exception of Belgian Waffles and a decent Pizza Slut clone of cheese sticks/bread. Keep your eyes on the recipe section for those entries.

However, today in appreciation and honor of Octoberfest. I will be making beef rouladen with a dill spaetzle. Some serious German eats yo! Or is that Yohan? Or Gunther or Wolfgang? Whatever, some good German food today. Will post the results later.

The blog has been alive about two months now. I have been thinking about some commercial interests and since we have been discussing a lot of food lately, it may be about time to introduce you to another passion of mine, woodworking. Some of you may already know this and  to some this may be new. I like wood. I have wood. 😉

Generally I have built mostly furniture, and some custom cabinetry. What I have enjoyed making in the past which have made great gifts and an obvious tie in to my love of making and shoving food down my throat is beautiful end grain cutting boards. Take a look.

I am thinking about making more cutting boards and selling them through this web site / blog. As you can see there are no limitations to color, size, or shape. The beauty to a properly made end grain cutting board is not only its appearance in your home, but if you are the least bit anal about your knives and cutlery you use in your kitchen then cutting food on an end grain cutting board is the best for your knives and keeps your blades sharper longer.

If you’re like me and pay upwards of $150+ for a professional Shun chef’s knife you care about trivial things like this. Everyone is like me right? LOL. Ok so you’re not so anal retentive or a maniac perfectionist when it comes to these matters. Well these cutting boards look damn good in any kitchen, and with minimal care last as long as you will live.

You want one of these cutting boards. You must have one of these cutting boards. You want one of these cutting boards for yourself, and you want to buy another to give to someone you care about for Christmas or the upcoming holidays. You must have one! When you sleep at night you dream about them! It’s all you can think about! You want to be the first one on your block to have your very own Whats Up Brock end grain cutting board.

Well my friends don’t you worry. I always got your back. In the next couple of days, I’ll provide the information to you on this very site/blog for you to order your very own What’s Up Brock end grain cutting board.

Be ready to jump when I open up the ordering flood gates. It’s going to be first come first serve. You will want to get in early for delivery in time for Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons.

I know what your already thinking. “What are you going to do with the money fat ass?” I’ll tell you. I am going to get drunk and buy hookers. What the hell do you think? Ok I am kidding. Honest. I am however going to donate some of the proceeds to some charitable organizations that have moved me lately and need our help. So in a way by ordering a cutting board from me, you not only win by owning a one of kind, beautiful piece of kitchen/household functional “art” you will also be a part of helping some neglected dogs/cats and some truly deserving injured and broken Veterans and their families.

So stay tuned. You’ll want to be a part of this.

Buttermilk Pancakes

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The Best Darn Buttermilk Pancakes you’ll ever make or eat.

Makes about 8-8″ pancakes or about 16-4″ pancakes.

  • 2 cups all purpose flour
  • 2 tablespoons sugar
  • 1 teaspoon baking power
  • 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/2 teaspoon salt
  • 2 cups of buttermilk
  • 1/4 cup of sour cream
  • 2 eggs
  • 3 tablespoons of butter melted, cooled slightly
  • Vegetable oil for frying pan
  1. In a bowl mix the flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt together to incorporate.
  2. In a second bowl mix together the buttermilk, sour cream, eggs and melted but not hot butter until combined.
  3. Combine the wet ingredients into the dry ingredients in bowl 1. Stir until combined. Batter will be lumpy, do not worry. Let batter sit on counter for about 10-15 minutes. The wet ingredients will hydrate the dry ingredients in this time. Secondly the leavening properties of the backing soda and power will kick into gear. Notice small bubbles in batter.
  4. Heat a non-stick or a finely tuned cast iron frying pan over medium heat. Pour about a tablespoon of vegetable oil in the pan. Take a couple clean wadded up paper towels and wipe the oil around in the frying pan. You want just a slight oily film in the hot pan.
  5. Check batter. It should still be thick but just loose enough to scoop and pour with a ladle or measuring cup. If batter is still a little thick add a tablespoon or two of additional buttermilk and stir to combine.
  6. Make a decision. Big or small pancakes. I go for the bigger ones myself. I am a pancake pig, about 8 inches across. I hate trying to flip a bunch of pancakes in the same frying pan. So I pour in about a 1/3-1/2 cup of batter into the pan. You want smaller pancakes decrease the batter to about 1/4 cup.
  7. Shake pan on stove slightly when you pour in the batter, it will move and flow out into the traditional round shape.
  8. Pay attention here. This is where I screw up all the time. Pancakes cook fast! You have a small window of opportunity to catch a pancake between perfect and burnt shit. Pay particular attention if using cast iron. When you pour the batter into the pan and shake the pan to flow the pancake batter into the round circle, you have about a minute to a minute and twenty seconds. You will notice the bubbles on the top of the batter appear. The outside diameter of the pancake will start to dry. Get your spatula under that pancake and loosen it from the pan and flip. You will think to yourself the center of the top of the pancake is still wet and very few bubbles it cant be ready to turn. Ignore those thoughts and logic, you’re almost too late and on your way to burnt pancakes. I make the mistake all the time. Its tricky but you’ll overcome this and get the hang of it.
  9. When the pancake is turned you have even less time. The second side of the pancake cooks even faster. You have about 30-45 seconds here.
  10. Take same paper towel you used earlier and re-wipe out the frying pan and re-coat with vegetable oil. There is probably enough oil on the paper towel from the first time you wiped the pan out so you may not need to add more. You just want a slight film of oil in pan.
  11. Repeat steps 6 to 10 and keep making pancakes till the batter is gone.

Don’t be discouraged if he first pancake is a little more done then you like. The first pancake is always a test. Your next pancakes in the batch get better and better. Everyone knows the first pancake is always for the dog anyway. Right?

You can hold the pancakes on a plate in the microwave while you cook the entire batch, or  on an oven safe plate in the oven turned to its lowest setting to keep the pancakes warm while you cook the batch or wait to eat.

These pancakes will beat anything you buy in the store that comes in a box or a plastic jug you add milk to and shake. I promise.

They are a little tricky at first they cook fast. You will get the hang of these pancakes though. Super simple.

Guys pay attention here. You screwed up, forgot her birthday, bought her a vacuum for Valentines day, told your girl she was turning into her mother. You get your ass up early and make your woman a batch of these pancakes on a Sunday or while she is still asleep. You will get that boys weekend in Vegas and the new Harley. Serious. If you make these for your girl, you have punk card credit in the bank. Granted its not a happy ending from the bimbo at the strip club get out of jail free but this gets you out of washing her car on Sunday football all season. Do it. She deserves it.

 

A Thirsty Thursday, What No Bacon?!

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Buttermilk pancakes for dinner? Sure why not.

Wait I got no bacon. Oh crap!

This week theres been some reporting in the news that there may be a bacon shortage next year. I know, take a breath, there you go, in…out….in…out. Calm now? I panicked too when I first heard the reports. Lets face it, a world without bacon just isn’t worth living. Think about it for a moment. Lines at the grocery store. Bacon rationing. Underground bacon black markets. People rioting around Waffle Houses and Ihops for bacon. Bacon pandemonium. Perpetual darkness. Hail and brimstone! Without bacon there is no life!

Turns out the reports may be exaggerated a bit. Seems to revolve around the drought we had this year and the corn supply. See pigs eat corn. Corn costs money. Less corn, for more money and the pigs are thin or not being replaced/bred to the same numbers. Since bacon is a commodity its still very much an issue of supply and demand. Experts say the supply wont be effected that much but the prices will be going up (like everything else) but there will be bacon. Thank Jesus H. tap dancing Christ!

In other news:

The NFL’s normal union referees have reached an agreement with the NFL for the next four years. In a way I am glad. This takes away any chance of abortion like we saw this past week with Green Bay and Seattle.

On the other hand, generally speaking I am not pro union in most all but a very few cases. Don’t get me wrong. I see the need for the unions. I understand their past and how they came to be. However, in many years all the unions have done is become the same greedy behemoth monsters they supposedly set out to protect the workers from in the first place. Unions do not protect shit anymore. If you have a skill and worth, you should be able to enter any market and get paid fairly for it. As an industry if you need specific labor you should be able to pull from the market any level of skill and pay honestly for it at will.

So I think its officially fall. Here in Florida we have two seasons, hot and wet. Anyway, I remember fall from my childhood living in the north. I miss fall. Fall is candy corn. My grandmother always and if I had to bet even right this very second has a little crystal glass dish on a hutch in her dinning room full of candy corn. Granted the candy corn is probably thirteen years old right now (her memory is starting to go) but I bet there is some there.

Speaking of candy corn. I want!

You know I just realized, between these special candy corn Oreos and the Oreo cake earlier this month I am becoming a regular shill for Oreos. Screw it, I like them.

Monster Meatloaf

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The best damn meatloaf you ever ate or made right here. Adapted from Cooks Illustrated.

  • 2 Tablespoons butter
  • 1 onion chopped fine
  • 1 pint white mushrooms sliced
  • 1 tablespoon tomato paste
  • 3 tablespoons plus 1/2 cup of low sodium chicken stock
  • 2 garlic cloves minced
  • 2 large eggs
  • 2 tablespoons of soy sauce
  • 1 tablespoon unflavored powered gelatin
  • 1 1/2 slice of white bread
  • Bunch of fresh parsley
  • 2 teaspoon Dijon mustard
  • 3/4 teaspoon pepper
  • 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme
  • 1 pound ground pork
  • 1 pound of ground beef (chuck)

 

There are probably a thousand recipes for meatloaf. Everyone has their favorite. I think the whole point of meatloaf is just throwing together some ground meat, and every other thing you may have in the fridge and its meatloaf.

Have you ever had good meatloaf? I mean damn good. Not dried out, bland drywall flavored crap to carry catchup to your mouth. Well take it from me this is damn good meatloaf. Tastes like meat, not dried out or tough. Takes a little more work but worth it.

 

 

 

 

Pre-heat oven to 350 degrees.

Get your miss en place ready.  Sliced mushrooms, chopped onion, minced garlic, Chicken stock.

Over Medium heat, melt the butter and add the mushrooms and onion. Sauté  for about 12 minutes.

After 12 minutes add the garlic and tomato paste. Stir and cook for another 2 minutes. Add the 2 tablespoons of chicken stock and turn off heat. Stir and scrap up the fond in the pan. Pour the mushrooms off into a bowl to cool for a few minutes.

 

Now, get another bowl and whisk the eggs, soy sauce, and the 1/2 cup of the chicken stock together. Now pour in the powdered gelatin and stir up. Let sit for 5 minutes for gelatin to dissolve.

While you’re waiting for the mushroom mixture to cool and egg/gelatin to dissolve get your pan for the meatloaf ready. If you don’t have a sheet pan and grate for it, use what you have in a similar fashion. (broiler pan) The tin foil is folded in about a 5″X9″ rectangle then with a skewer or fork push holes in the tin foil for the meat to drain while it cooks.

Ok, now were ready to start assembling the meatloaf.

We, should have our dried thyme, mustard, egg/gelatin mixture, mushroom mixture, fresh parsley, and the slice and half bread in processor ground up to fine crumb. If you don’t have a food processor I imagine you can use a blender. Who doesn’t have a food processor? They’re like microwaves right? Everyone has one!

Everything into the food processor with the bread crumbs. Mushroom mixture, egg/gelatin/chicken stock mixture, mustard, thyme, and the leave of the fresh parsley. Fire it up and let it run about  a minute.

This is what you should wind up with. Its rather wet. Don’t be alarmed.

 

 

 

 

Now we combine the mushroom/bread/egg mixture to the meat. Mix the pork and beef and mushroom mixture by hand. It will start off very wet, its ok, keep mixing. Once its all incorporated get your meatloaf pan with the tin foil square you punched holes in.

 

You are going to place and form the meat mixture into a loaf like shape on the tin foil you made on the sheet pan. Or your broiler pan. Like shown.

 

 

Send that masterpiece into the oven. It takes about an hour and a half. You want inside temperature of meatloaf to be about 155 degrees.

Lets make the glaze.

  • 1/2 cup of catchup
  • 1/4 cup cider vinegar
  • 3 tablespoons of brown sugar
  • Dash or two of hot sauce.
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground coriander

Combine all the glaze ingredients in a small sauce pan. Over medium heat stir and cook till sugar is dissolved. About 5 minutes.

 

 

 

When meatloaf has reached an internal temperature of 155 degrees about an hour and a half later, turn the broiler on to high.

Brush half the glaze on the meatloaf and place under the broiler for 2-3 minutes until the glaze starts to caramelize and bubble. Brush second half of glaze on meatloaf and back under the broiler again. Another 2-3 minutes and let it bubble and caramelize again.

Remove meatloaf from oven/broiler and let cool down and rest for about 10 to 15 minutes. Slice, serve, eat.

Its damn good, for a meatloaf.

 

 

Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

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Did we all update our Apple devices to the new iOS 6 software? I did. Do it. I looks good. Nice Facebook integration. Except the new maps application sucks.

Been listening to a lot of The Who this week. I don’t know why, but I have always like them. If you’ve not seen The Who live in concert try to. I was lucky to see them in ’03 or ’04ish when John Entwistle was still alive. At that time and currently Zak Starkey was on drums in Keith Moons place. You may or may not know Zak Starkey. He is Ringo Starrs son. Keith Moon was Zak’s godfather so guess who taught him drums. A small rock and roll world.

Anyway at the time Pete Townshend had to be in his early to mid 60’s and as sure as I am sitting here on my mothers eyes, that man f’ing could still rock. Amazing concert. When it comes to Rock and Roll as we know it, The Who is royalty. The Who was everywhere with everyone that did anything in rock and roll. Hendrix, Stones, Beatles, you name it and  within three degrees of separation to make Kevin Bacon look like their bitch, The Who was there.  If you got out to see them this year touring for the Quadrophenia album you can die happy. Except I got to see them play with the one and only “Ox” on bass. You’re cool. I’m just a bit cooler. It’s a cross I have to bear, don’t cry for me Argentina!

I healthed the diet up a bit after indulging in the comfort food that was Steak Melt sandwiches. Some baked chicken breast, baked potato wedges and creamed spinach. No big deal or secrets. Chicken, potato, oven, eat. Rather boring. I wanted to make some good Kosher food to pay tribute to all my Jewish friends in honor of the high holidays of Rosh Hashanah this past week. All I found that interested me was some damn good looking beef rouladen and spaetzle and you do not get any more Third Reich German Nazi than that food so I held off on the dish. We don’t need to be insensitive after all. I’ll make it next week.

Steak Melt Sandwiches

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Steak Melt sandwiches are just like your typical patty melts the only exceptions being instead of using some kind of ground beef patty, you use shaved steak slices, regular white bread and a tablespoon of ghetto.

Here’s your cast of characters. (Please don’t mind the 70’s counter tops, it really brings out the color of my eyes!)

  • Cheap sliced Swiss cheese and if you cant get it free on a government food line then Walmart is your next best bet. Except at Walmart be sure to show a little butt crack when checking out.
  • Sliced steak like product. Could you use actual sliced rib-eye? Sure you could but what the hell are you some kind of aristocrat? You’re already at Walmart getting that cheap assed Swiss cheese with your plumbers crack, and needing a shave. Go over to those big open freezers everyone sneezes into after scratching their ass and pick up a box or two of the classic Steak-ums.
  • Bread. Decide how many sandwiches you want then multiply by a factor of 2. Three sandwiches? No problem. Your bread slice formula will look like this 3 X 2 = 6 slices of bread. See you just got some math learnin’ in for the day. We’ll clean that Walmart trip off you yet smartypants. Spread a little margarine or butter on each of those bread slices champ.
  • Two sliced yellow onions. Walmart these babies too. They’re over in the produce section in the big bins. Look for the ones grown in some south American country and cultivated by twelve year old slave labor. Walmart knows cheap food. Take advantage. Fan away the fruit flies and gnats at the onion bin and pick out two that look salmonella free.

Sauté up those sliced onions in a pan. A little olive oil salt medium heat 5-7 minutes and proper caramelization you’re good to go. Pour off into container.

Now in the same pan you just cooked the onions in, fry up the Steak-Um mechanically separated beef product slices. Now don’t worry. Steak-Um is 100% beef. It says so right on the package. Beef eyes, ass, lips, pecker its all beef 100%. Its good for you. Carnivores unite! The fond left over from the sautéed onions adds a rather nice piquant flavor to the Steak-Um.

Onions= Check!
Steak-Um= Check!
Buttered slices of bread= Check!
Swiss cheese slices= Check!

Now you have your miss en place ready to go.

If you’re like me and have a handy dandy panini grill set the temp to high and get ready to assemble your Steak Melts. Otherwise use the same pan you sautéed the onions and fried the Steak-Um in to make your sandwiches.

Assemble the sandwiches in the pan or on the grill. Don’t try and put them together on the counter or a plate or your hand. The bread is buttered numb nuts! Last thing we need is a bunch of lubricated slippery hands making a mess in the kitchen. This isn’t that kind of a movie.

So, place a slice of buttered bread on the pan or grill buttered side down. Put your Steak-Um beef product on the slice of bread, spoon on some of the sautéed onions, then cover with a slice or two of the Swiss cheese followed up by placing the other piece of buttered bread on top of the Swiss cheese. Only this time the buttered side of the bread is facing up. You get all that?

If you’re cooking in a panini press, just close it up and let it go. 5-7 minutes worked for me. Keep peeking till its done to your satisfaction. If you’re cooking in pan on the stove, 3-4 minutes, flip the sandwich over and let it go again for 3-4 minutes. Again just keep your eye on it and take it off when its done the way you like it.

Slice ’em diagonal. Why? Why not?

Not too bad for Ghetto Walmart eats and hey we didn’t even wind up on any web sites like this woman did.

There you have it. Steak Melt sandwiches.

 

 

Oreo Cake

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Recipe posted by Yvonne Ruperti via Serious Eats.

Ingredients for the cake:

  • 3/4 cup all purpose flour
  • 1/4 cup cocoa powder
  • 1/2 plus 1/8 teaspoon baking soda
  • 1/8 teaspoon of salt
  • 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
  • 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons sour cream
  • 1/3 cup vegetable oil
  • 1 large egg
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

Heat oven to 350 degrees. Coat a nine (9) inch cake pan with non-stick spray. Sift flour, cocoa, baking powder and salt into bowl, set aside. In another bowl or bowl of stand mixer whisk together the sugar, sour cream, oil, egg, and vanilla extract until smooth.

Now whisk in the flour and cocoa mixture  to the wet ingredients in step above until smooth. Pour this batter into the cake pan you sprayed with the non-stick above. Cook in oven for 25-30 minutes until a tooth pick inserted into middle of cake comes out clean. Cool cake in pan 15 minutes, then turn out and cool cake on wire rack for about an hour or until its room temp.

Cut six (6) Oreo cookies in half and set aside. Be careful and watch your fingers, ask me how I know! Then take the rest of the Oreo cookies from the package and chop them up to  something like 1/4 inch chunks. I said to hell with that and put them in the food processor and pulled the trigger about a dozen times for a second or two each time. You wind up with a course Oreo crumbly mixture. Resist urge to shove face in bowl and inhale like Tony Montana in Scarface. Set these Oreo crumbs aside.

Ingredients for Oreo whipped cream:

  • 50 Oreo cookies. I just used a complete package of regular Oreo cookies. Who has time to count?
  • I quart of heavy cream.
  • 2 tablespoons of granulated sugar
  • I tablespoon of vanilla extract

Make the whipped cream in two (2) batches. Pour half the quart into a bowl and with a blender or a stand mixer with the wire whip, whip the cream until light peaks form. Scoop this first batch of whipped cream into a large bowl and put in fridge.

Make second batch of whipped cream with second half of quart of heavy cream. This time add the sugar and vanilla extract and whip to soft peaks again. Now add this batch of whipped cream to the fist batch of whipped cream sitting in the fridge. Fold and mix the two batches together. You should now have a full quart of heavy cream turned into whipped cream in a big old bowl.

Now of all that whipped cream, take and spoon out about a cup of it and put in the fridge.

Take all those crushed up Oreo cookies you didn’t try and snort like Scarface, and pour into the whipped cream. Fold it all together and mix well.

Take your cooled off chocolate cake sitting on your wire rack. Cut it in half with a long knife horizontally.  Put the bottom slice of cake on your serving plate. Scoop out about 1/3 to almost a 1/2 of the Oreo whipped cream mixture onto the first cake layer. Spread it out on that first layer. It will be about an inch or two thick.

Place second layer of the split cake on top of this whipped cream layer. Scoop the rest of the Oreo whipped cream mixture onto this second cake layer. Spread it out all over the top and sides of cake. Make neat, take your time. Its easy. Honest

Now you’re almost there. Put the cake in the fridge for a couple hours. It will chill and the cookies in the whipped cream will soften up a bit and the whipped cream with stiffen up a bit.

Last step.

Get that last cup of plain non-Oreo whipped cream that you set aside and put in fridge. You want to pipe this whipped cream out with a pastry bag into rosettes (12) of them around the perimeter of the chilled cake. I know I know. Who the hell besides foodie maniacs or baking enthusiasts has a piping bag? In that case, just scoop the whipped cream into a zip lock bag. Cut the corner off the bag and waa-laa you have a pipping bag on the cheap. Pipe 12 little puffs of whipped cream around the top of the cakes edge and then take a piece of the six Oreos you cut in half and place a piece on each little whipped cream puff, or rosette if you had a pipping bag and correct tip.

Look at your masterpiece! Told you it was easy.